Road rage and other things ...

 

SO, the other day I had to make a run to the market.  I got on the road and was messing with the radio dial when I realized I was going too slow.  How did I realize this?  Because there was an asshole on my bumper.  "Oh shit!" I thought and  sped up because I also hate being behind a Sunday driver.  However, the guy behind me was pissed! He then tried to pass me on the right!  This was a bonehead move because I was in the right lane.  He was trying to squeeze between my car and the curb at 50 mph.

Now I'm thinking "oh fuck" ... so I sped up to get ahead of him and to avoid him sideswiping me.  THEN, he jumps into the left lane and speeds up and gets in front of me and slams on his brakes!  So I have to slow down.  Then he speeds up again.  He's basically fucking with me!  SMH.  I am too old for this shit.  

There were other cars on the road witnessing this.  At one point, the passenger, a skinny little girl was hanging out of the car flipping me off and blowing me kisses and laughing.  Then the driver swerved into my lane again and I thought for sure he was going to hit me.  Other drivers were freaking out and I was REALLY scared.  He then raced ahead and stopped again!  I had to also stop.  He starts ahead fast, then slams on his breaks again.  So I have to slam on my brakes.  Then he just waits for me.  People, I gotta tell you I was scared shitless this asshole was going to pull out a gun and blast me.  I was able to avoid him by cutting through a parking lot for a Starbucks and got to the main boulevard, but honestly, my heart was pounding and I was scared shitless they'd find me.

THIS IS WHY I HATE PEOPLE!  Honest to God I never antagonize ANYONE because people phuckin' scare the shit outta me and there are literally tons of assholes who will kill you over nothing.  Why do you want to mess with an old lady?  You scared me and I had to go home and a take a Xanax and that's not funny.  It seems like there are more and more assholes on the road.  Or is it just me?  OK OK!  I was going too slow but then I realized it.  Cut me some slack.  

And FYI ... when I got home I watched an hours worth of road rage videos on youtube.

NEXT ...

So I have some updates from my dirty TV.  I've been watching "Marrying Millions," a reality show profiling several couples.  One party is rich and the other is not. 

Meet Bri and Bill - She's 21, he's 61.  

He's been married twice before, both of his ex-wives are still in the picture.  He wants everyone to be a big happy family.  Meanwhile, Bri is a little Mexican-American girl who worked in a restaurant as a hostess when she met Bill, the billionaire.  She is 21 but could easily pass for 14.  She's sweet and pretty and I cannot for the life of me figure out what she sees in this old fart.  I KNOW I KNOW ... he's loaded, but I don't get a gold digger vibe from her, although now that we're into season 2, a girl could absolutely get used to being treated like a queen where money is no option.  She really should break up with this old fart, but I don't know if she can.  She may have been spoiled beyond return.  Regular might not cut it for her anymore.  

On the flip side we have Noni and Reese.  She's loaded, he lives in his truck.

Noni is a very successful business woman in Portland and she lives in a modern mansion.  Reese likes to skateboard and sleep under freeway bridges when he's not sleeping in his truck.  Reese's family HATES Noni because she's old and can't bear children.  Reese is really in love with Noni and has no interest in her money.  He loves that she doesn't give him shit about having no job and leaves him alone regarding his love of skateboarding.  Noni recently suggested to Reese that he move in with her.  Noni is crazy.  

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST ....

Today is Gwyneth Paltrow's 48th birthday (AWWWW) .... so she's decided to take a picture of herself in her "Birthday Suit" -- get it?  Birthday Suit?  Naked?  HA HA.  Only Gwynnie.  

Because in REAL LIFE how many 48 year olds would pose naked in their backyard on their 48th birthday?  You know how many?  NONE!  NO ONE!  Know why?  BECAUSE NO NORMAL 48 YEAR OLD LOOKS LIKE THAT and GWYNETH KNOWS IT.  HA HA Look at me!  No body fat!  I'm pretty!  You're not!  Someone needs to be bitch slapped.

                                                PLEASE GET OVER YOURSELF.

Thank you for supporting my bitching.  😀