ADVENTURES IN DANNYLAND - INCIDENT #46 ...

Ring Ring

Me:  Hello?

Dan:  Hi hon.  Hey listen, can you come and pick me up at the gym?  I locked my keys in my truck.

Me:  Of course you did.

Dan:  I know I know.

Me:  I just got on the bus.  I can’t be there until maybe after 7.  I’ll go home first and get the extra key and then pick you up at the gym.

Dan:  Thanks hon.

I get home at 7:00 pm. Trixie needs to do her business so I HAVE to walk her.  Back home at 7:15.  Get Trixie in the car and take off to get Dan.  Get to the gym about 7:30.  

I walk into the gym and have him paged.

There he is (smile) … he sees Trixie and whistles for her to run to him.

So, there he is.  He has no gym bag.  No towel.  No nothing.  This looks weird.  So I ask ‘where’s you gym bag?’

Dan:  It’s in my truck.  Remember?  I locked everything in my truck. 

Me:  But … how’d you get to the gym?

Dan:  I ran.  

Me:  From work?

Dan:  Yeah.

STUPID ME.  OF COURSE HE DID.  HE RAN FROM WORK TO THE GYM.  AT NIGHT ... IN THE DARK.  IN A T-SHIRT AND GYM SHORTS.  IN THE COLD.  KILL ME.

Me:  You’re crazy.

We get to the car, I drive him to his work where I park by his truck and wait while he goes into the plant to find jumper cables.  I wait.  And wait.  And wait.  AND WAIT.  FINALLY, I get off the car to see what the hell is going on.  There he is … walking towards me with a battery and cables in his hands.

He goes to work.  Lifes the hood, hooks everything up.  Jumps into the truck to start it.  NOTHING.  Jumps back out of the truck, looks under the hood, reconnects stuff, gets back in the truck, tries to start it.  NOTHING.  Jumps back out of the truck, looks under the hood, reconnects stuff, gets back in the truck, tries to start it.  NOTHING.  (Just repeat this twelve more times) … I am now getting very close to screaming.  It’s cold, I want to go home, I’m hungry and I have the dog.

I move my car closer to his truck.  I get the light from my phone and shine it under his hood.  He tries the truck again.  NOTHING.  

Stars, Planets, Universe  LINE UP …. LET’S FUCK DEBBIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

FINALLY, the freaking truck starts.  He tells asks me if I want to go eat something.  It’s 7:50 pm.  I think I’m beyond hungry, but I tell him I will follow him wherever he goes because I’m afraid the truck will die and I don't want him to get stranded. 

Dan:  “No, no Hon.  You can go home.  You don’t have to follow me.”

Me:  “I’m following you.”  (I have experience you see, I KNOW, that if I don’t follow him, his truck will FOR SURE die at an intersection, a stop light, a corner, basically anywhere … and I’ll just get another phone call to come and get him.”

Dan:  Ok.  Wanna just go through  McDonalds?

Me:  Sure.

So, I follow Dan out of the plant.  We come to a gate that is supposed to automatically open.  It does.  However there is a freaking semi-truck parked right in front of the gate blocking the exit and there is no driver.  Yay.

NOW WE HAVE TO DRIVE BACKWARDS all the way down a long alleyway, turn around and go out another exit.  I follow him … thinking we’re going to McDonalds.  Remember?  McDonalds.  We’re not going to McDonalds.  How do I know were not going to McDonald’s?  Because we’re talking about Danny.  We are now going to Del Taco.  Why?  I don’t know why.  

He parks at Del Taco.  We get off. We order food.  Then, in a rush he runs towards the door.  I’m all, what the hell????!!!!  He said he needed to check on his truck. “Why” I ask, “because I left it running and I can’t turn it off!”

KILL ME.

So long story short, I got home at 9 pm.  My entire evening wasted.  No relaxing in PJs, no Anderson Cooper, no Vanderpump Rules.  No nothing.  Thank you.