THE DONALD VS. EL CHAPO ...

Donald, Donald, Donald.  Let me esplain somthin' to you.

You never, ever, EVER make threats to someone like El Chapo.  I know you think you're a bad ass with your millions of dollars and your funky red comb-over, but in El Chapo's world you're a nothing.  He could get to you, chop your head off and leave it in the lobby of Trump Tower on a stick all before you could could say "WHAT THA ..."

(And FYI ... he has a hell of a lot more money than you)

Word to the wise.  Do not play cowboys and Indians with a real cowboy.  It is very dangerous.  But on the other hand it's also pretty funny.  When I picture you attempting to engage with the most dangerous, violent drug lord IN THE WORLD in your little Twitter rant I can't help but laugh.  You're gonna "kick his ass?"  Donald.  In the words of St. Ronald Reagan ... "Read My Lips" ... YOU ARE NOT GOING TO KICK EL CHAPO'S ASS.  EVER.  You rich white people crack me up. 

P.S.  Don't say I didn't warn you. 

NEXT ...

 

Whoopi Goldberg has finally changed her tune with regard to Bill Cosby because (eyes fucking rolling) she didn't know about the statute of limitations on rape.  Really Whoopi?  You're on The View.  It's your job to know shit like this.  UNBELIEVABLE.  That is why it is so incredible that so many women were coming forward with their stories to begin with!  BECAUSE THEY HAD NOTHING TO GAIN!  THE STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS HAD ALREADY RUN you stupid, stupid woman. 

And p.s.  Whoopi, you're a traitor to your gender.  You showed not one ounce of compassion for any of these women and continued to defend Cosby until the backlash on The View became too much.  VERY disappointing.  

BRISTOL PALIN IS PREGGERS ...

I know it's old news already but I was so incensed with the Donald that I had to wait on my Bristol bashing post (insert happy face here) ... so let's get to it.

Approximately six years ago this was Bristol Palin's attempt at advocating abstinence (helped along by mama bear Sarah).  First question for you ... would you do this to your daughter?  I mean seriously?  Expose her to ridicule and embarrassment?  Well, if you were Sarah Palin OF COURSE YOU WOULD!!!  What a great coup!  Well, unfortunately this whole campaign backfired.  You see, Bristol went and did it again.  Let's deduce:

1.  If this were Sasha or Malia Obama the right wing would be coming all over themselves. 
     YES  ____     NO _____  

2.  Point Especially directed to Donald Trump AND Rush Limbaugh - SEE you two draft
     dodging morons, little white girls get knocked up too.  In fact, correct me if I'm
     wrong Donald, but didn't you yourself knock up your baby mama Marla Maples?  
     (Rush, lucky for us you're sterile) ... So you see it's not just little black girls and
     little Mexican girls who get pregnant out of wedlock is it?  All of whom, according
     to the both of you and your racist rants are ruining our country.  I
     think youboth need to reevaluate your hatred and judgment.  You're actually
     going to have include Bristol Palin, standard of Christian youth in the
     Republican party, in this batch of youth with loose sexual morals.  Rush, perhaps
     you'd care to send Bristol some aspirin to keep between her knees as you so eloquently
     suggested Sara Fluke do. 

Bristol Palin today (very pretty after her jaw reducing surgery (insert happy face here). 

Now Bristol, I know you don't want any sympathy or lectures but this is my blog so you are going to get a lecture from me ... (just think of me as your Mexican mama bear):

As my daddy used to say "don't spit so high in the air because it might fall right in your face" ... this should actually be directed at your mother.  I'm sure she encouraged you to participate in the first humiliation re abstinence above.  BUT what mama doesn't realize is that things like that usually backfire.  It's called K-A-R-M-A.  Or you could say it in another way ... what goes around comes around. 

I have a one question for you Bristol.  Why weren't you on the pill or using protection?  You're 24 years old.  Honestly, how come?  Knowing who you are and how another unwanted pregnancy would be ruinous to your and yours?  How could you be SO DUMB???  One unwanted pregnancy should be enough to get you on the pill ... I don't understand it.  Did you think if you did it standing on your head you wouldn't get knocked up?  (Ok that was really mean) but this is what happens when you put yourself out there as an example?  Don't you see?

There's a lesson to be learned here.  You aren't the first and you won't be the last girl who ever got knocked up.  But when you represent yourself as such a beacon of Christian morals and choose to insert yourself into political debates that you are really not qualified to enter, well then you kind of ask for it.  I am not very good about being sympathetic towards anyone who gets pregnant accidentally on purpose.  It happens all the time, all day long to women who want their man to marry them, etc., et al.  And, as I am sure you are well aware, it rarely works out well (can you say Levi?).     

And yet, you're really not like most single mothers are you?  You are LOADED.  Which makes it all the more insulting to all the other single mothers out there.  So here's my advice to you.  DON'T DO ANYTHING.  Don't advocate anything.  Don't write a book.  DO NOTHING.  Except quietly disappear.  Raise your children OUT of the limelight.  Forget we ever met.  I promise, time is a great healer.  And YEARS AND YEARS from now, when your have your own little batch of illegitimate grandchildren you can look back at this time and smile. *

*(Brought to you by those and others who hate hypocrisy).