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I had everything planned.  Manicure/pedicure with Lauren.  After that a movie (The Heat), then dinner AND drinks.  Couldn't wait.  After a long week I was looking forward to enjoying my Saturday.

I was in a good mood.  Happy.  I was going to make Danny breakfast and as I was reaching for the eggs, I saw it.  A big bottle of blueberries with syrup fell over and spilled all the thick blueberry juice EVERYWHERE which meant that I had to CLEAN THE ENTIRE REFRIGERATOR!!!!!!   UGH!!!  The juice had dripped and leaked into all the crevices and underneath the crispers.  I had to take the whole refrigerator apart ... take out the crispers, wash and dry them, pull out the shelves, wash and dry them, remove the food, replace the food, wipe down all the plastic tortilla wrappers because they had blueberry juice all over them.  IT WAS A MESS!  It took me over two hours and I was sweating the entire time ... and I HATE to sweat.   

After that I went upstairs and figured what the hell, my Saturday is already shot, so I cleaned the bathroom/swept/Lysoled/scrubbed the toilet, cleaned the mirrors, the tub, vacuumed my bedroom, dusted the dressers, changed the sheets.  THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED TO DO THIS SATURDAY. 

FINALLY, I took a shower, got pretty and decided that I still wanted to go to the movies and Lauren really wanted to see The Heat (great flick by the way) so I asked Dan to find out what time the movie started.  He said that it was playing at the Whittier Village.  I told him that I don't like the Whittier Village because there are always a billion people waiting in line to buy tickets and then you had to get in another line to wait for the movie and it was hotter than hell and the last thing I wanted to do was wait in a long assed line in the blazing sun.  "Let's go to the Krikorian or the La Puente Mall" I said, that way we can be inside an air conditioned building. 

We all pile into the car, Danny is driving and I'm expecting to make a right hand turn at the signal towards the freeway that will take us to the Puente Mall but wait ... what's this?  We're going left.  Left?  Why are we going left?  So I say "Why are we going left?" 

Dan:  "Because we're going to the movies."

Me:  "But I want to go to the Puente Mall!"

Dan:  "Awww  hell" (kind of like, don't start fucken complaining)

But by now I know it is too late.  We have already entered Dannyland.  

Me:  "UGH.  There are gonna be a billion people there!!!  I don't like the Whittier theatre Danny!  How come you NEVER LISTEN TO ME!"

Dan:  "It'll be fine."  (placating me which is useless because as I've said TIME AND TIME AGAIN I AM ALWAYS RIGHT, but since we have now entered Dannyland I know that anything I try to say will be absolutely USELESS).

I'm pissed. We get to the theatre and sure enough, there is a line half a block long.  EXACTLY what I wanted to avoid. 

Me:  "SEE!  UGH!"

Dan:  "That's the line to get INTO the movie, not the line to BUY the tickets.  You don't know what movie those people are waiting to see.  It'll be okay.  Here's my card, I'll drop you and Lauren off, get the tickets and I'll park the car."

First of all, I already KNOW for a fact that that line is for the movie that I want to see.  How do I know this?  BECAUSE IT'S THE MOVIE I WANT TO SEE.  As I shake my head and mumble to myself how Danny NEVER FUCKEN LISTENS TO ME, I get in line to buy the stupid tickets.  I get to the window and ask the girl in the booth ...

Me:  "Is that line for The Heat?"

Girl:  "Yes.  But we haven't started letting anyone in yet so there will be plenty of good seats."

Me:  (yeah RIGHT) "Two seniors and one adult" and I hand her Danny's credit card.

Girl:  "Can I see some I.D.?" 

Me:  (FUCK!!) "This is my husband's card, I don't have his I.D."  So I hand her MY credit card.  She processes the purchase and gives me my tickets - ALL SIX OF THEM.  I'm all "why did you give me six tickets????"

Girl:  "You said you wanted two adults, two seniors and another adult."

Me:  (Screaming in my head YOU STUPID IDIOT!!!)  "I said TWO SENIORS and ONE ADULT."

Girl:  "Ok.  Unfortunately, I'll have to get a manager to reprocess this purchase."

FUCK.  It's all my fault.  It is.  My negative energy is making all of this happen .... MEANWILE the line is getting longer and longer and LONGER. 

After what seemed like a fucken hour, I get the stupid tickets.  The line is now a block long and it's 150 degrees.  Here comes Danny. 

Me:  "I TOLD YOU.  Now we gotta wait in this freaking line in the hot sun for God knows how long.  This is NOT how I wanted to spend my Saturday (screaming in my head)"

Dan:  (Surely thinking I'm a fucking bitch right now) "It's going to be a good movie."

Me:  "Yeah ... if we're not sitting in the FRONT ROW!"

We get into the theatre.  IT'S PACKED.  The only three seats together are on the far right of the theatre, to which, IF I were a shark with one eye on each side of my head I MIGHT be able to enjoy this movie from where I'm sitting. 



  1. You say 'Saturday' I say 'Hell-urday'.

  2. OMG Deb, you're soooo funny!! I can totally picture you going through that! At least the movie was worth it.

    Cinty Loo


  3. I hate getting a bad seat at the movies. I also hate standing in line.

    I would have rung your husband’s neck. You warned him. But no, he had to do what he wanted and you suffered the consequences. I hope he paid for a good dinner.

    1. I am going to show him YOUR comment. That way he will see that it is NOT ME and MAYBE realize that he's IMPOSSIBLE!


  4. Too, too funny!!! (Dannyland--omg I love that). I have to say, if it were me, you would have had to clear the room with that ticket person, and she likely would have called the police on me. ID????!! WTF!!! That NEVER happens to us!! There is no such thing as "carding" here. BUT--so glad the movie was good! I'll have to see it. There is so little to see now, because it's summer, which is the time for superhero, shoot-em-up, action, apocalyptic dreck. This is when my husband is thrilled.

    1. MY LIFE! Yes ... that is how I describe these frustrating situations with my marital unit. DANNYLAND ... UGH.


  5. We did!!! Will get back to you soon!!! Busy but good. Hope you had a good 4th!!


  6. DVD.
    No movie is worth that hell!


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Don't you HATE when your husband makes hamburgers ...

*sigh* ... my life.


An Ode to Viggo
Who knows where or when my love for you began it took me by surprise and filled up my whole life
Some laughed and called me mad but I knew that was sad for love cannot be mocked and Viggo, my world rocked
I've seen his every film, his songs, his poems and still I love him more each day and that's how it will stay  for in my dreams he lives
Each step through ether's door we meet forever more and so shall it remain until my life should wane
- Signed Debbie Nunez Mortensen :) (yes, I know I'm weird)