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Friday, September 30, 2011

I FINALLY MADE THE CONNECTION!


Anne Coulter.

Colt.

Horse.

Horsey face.

Skinny horse legs. YES!







Monday, September 26, 2011

MARRIAGE

I was on Huffington Post today and read a really interesting article about women in long marriages (15 to 70 years) and what it is that they do to maintain them. The operative word here is "women" ... what "women" do to maintain the marriage ... not that men don't do anything to maintain their marriages, but come on ... we all know that they don't (that's sarcasm people so please don't send me lectures on what a bitch I am). To keep the vow "til death do us part" (without of course bringing about the untimely death of your spouse after living with him for a hundred and fifty years first ... again, no lectures please) ...

Okay, right here I'd like to take a different tack. With the advent of the Internet which allows anyone to look up (stalk) frenemies from childhood, high school and Google old bo
yfriends, etc., I have been able to find out about a lot about people I have no business finding out about and what I have learned is that unless these people are either (a) in prison or (b) drug addicts, they are all doing remarkably well, have been married for many years and are rolling in dough ... all of which makes me very depressed. Comparing oneself to anyone else is a surefire way to make you feel like crap. Especially if you are conducting these searches whilst on the rag. It's just playing with fire people. But that being said, I cannot help myself. I will always want to know what ever happened to so and so? At least I can say that I have never spent $$$ in my stalking searches. If I can't find out on Google, Classmates or Facebook I just think harder and try again. The point of this is that when looking up these folks and sometimes even finding pictures of them on the web with their loving spouses and families I start believing that everyone's life is better than mine. That is until I read this little article in Huffington Post. It helped me put it all into perspective.

Of the 20
0 women the writer interviewed for the article almost all of them did some really crazy-assed things to stay married. Everything from taking separate summer vacations to some having long term affairs with the gardener or pool man. Really. Not that I'd ever do something like that but it goes to show you that nothing is ever as it seems. Although I would absolutely love to take a separate summer vacation if I could. I'd go somewhere like Alaska. As you all know, my marital unit likes to take weekend jaunts to the desert in the summer which for me is akin to spending a weekend on the Sun. But once again I digress.

The reality of being married for a long time is just that ... REALITY. That man who made you weak in the knees with his kisses will, in a few years, burp and fart in front of you and then smile with glee while you yell at him for being such a pig. Ahhhhh, romance *sigh*... So, why is it that some marriages make it and others don't????? ENDURANCE. That's it. Endurance. Some folks are just more stubborn than others and refuse to give up. That's the difference.

So next time you find yourself envying one of those famous, sexy, beautiful couples think about this: Angelina Jolie gets her period and PMS too. Not only that, but she also sees the skid marks on Brad Pitt's shorts. How romantic is that. IT'S CALLED MARRIAGE PEOPLE. Deal with it.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

BEFORE AND AFTERS

I always find it amazing when people become famous they slowly become better looking, shinier, tanner, sleeker hair. Here are just a few. If you would like to mention any yourselves, please feel free to send me a comment and I will post a before/after picture.


Bristol Palin before ...


Bristol Palin after ...

Kate Gosselin before ...


Kate Gosselin after ...

Michelle Bachmann before ...


Michelle Bachmann after ...



Amazing huh.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Dear Brad Pitt:

We know you have a new movie coming out and everything and you're doing some serious press cause you're desperate to win an Oscar but we don’t care. And we also don't care that you are NOW a “satisfied man” with bobble head Angelina Jolie and that gaggle of kids the two of you lug around the world. Your comments about your marriage to Jennifer Aniston are self-serving and downright mean. That marriage was 7 years ago. SHADDUP ALREADY.

By the way … you are not aging very well... you're starting to look like Mickey Rooney. Angelina will leave you soon enough … probably for another woman. Whatever floats her boat, I really don’t care, but you really need to keep your feelings/comments about your ex to yourself dude ... it makes you sound like a dick.


TWINSIES

Friday, September 16, 2011

GARDASIL ...


... and I know because one of my constituent’s told me that her neighbor’s best friend’s cousin’s niece got that shot and now she’s retarded.


Really, Michelle?



...uh, is there any way that you could provide records of all your childhood vaccinations? I'm just sayin.