First of all, I'm sorry I didn't post last night. Mama had a birthday brunch Sunday and was drinking Mimosas and Margaritas all afternoon and she was a bit drunky-poo. But I'm here now and I have a special post for you all. Not only am I going to critique the Oscar gowns, but also the AFTER PARTY GOWNS!
SO LET'S GET STARTED!
First of all, I have to say that this was one of the most unexciting, boring Oscar affairs ever. I kept asking myself where all the movie stars were? I literally fast forwarded through the entire show! Very happy that Brad Pitt took the Oscar home. I thought his
performance was incredibly natural. Leonardo DiCaprio was phenomenal, but so was Joaquin Phoenix. I mean really people, how does one rate one performance against another? They were all brilliant.
Scarlet Johansson – beautiful strapless silver gown, hair and makeup is perfection however, sporting a ginormous back tattoo is so unladylike. Sorry. Mama is from a different generation. Tattoo = cheap. Grade: A
Scarlett's After Party dress was slamming! Similar to what she wore to the awards show. Strapless silvery beauty with a slight minty tint. GORGE! Grade: A+
Margot Robbie – Margot usually brings the glam but I’m not sure about this particular look. Beautiful but a bit Morticia. The pin at the center at the bust and those tie-on sleeves. It might have looked better without the pin, but then it might have looked too plain. Or
maybe without those bow-tied sleeves with the pin? Or maybe without the pin AND the bow-tied sleeves? Makeup was beautiful but girlfriend, your roots are showing and not in a good way. All in all, I was not moved. Grade: B-
Apparently, Margot did not wear a different gown to any of the after parties.
Charlize Theron wore a very structured black gown with a with a dropped strap/sleeve and a very high slit. I just wasn’t feeling it. Hair and makeup were somewhat bland. She also failed at the Golden Globes with that black and lime
green bustier/Grecian gown. I don’t know Charlize … maybe it’s time to pick a new stylist?
Charlize's after party look ... THIS IS WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE WORN TO THE AWARDS CEREMONY!!! Super glamorous! Grade: A+
Saoirse Ronan – this gown conjured up images Ursula from Under the Sea and clams on the half-shell. I didn’t know whether that ruffle/peplum thing was about to open up and eat something or was just there as a spot to hold her lipstick. And the colors!
Light blue, black and cream? NO. Grade: F minus.
However, her after party dress was perfection! THIS is what she should have worn to the award show! Clean, fresh, elegant.
You girls need to call me before making these decisions.
Florence Pugh – a beautiful girl who needs to stop wearing her hair in such tight buns. The gown is pretty but there are too many ruffles, the shoes are too matchy-matchy and I really don't like the belt, plus the necklace throws the whole thing off. Grade: C
BUT LOOK AT THIS! ONCE AGAIN, THIS IS WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE WORN! Grade: A+ WINNER WINNER WINNER!
Penelope Cruz – loved the black ballerina length gown with the rose at the top. Not sure about the rhinestone belly chain but considering that it was quite a lack luster night I really liked this dress. I do think it would have looked more finished
had she worn an updo. Grade: A
Renee Zelwegger: this was quite beautiful, though very simple. Almost too simple, however I am going to give Ms. Zelwegger an A because she was phenomenal as Judy Garland. I think Renee went home after the show ... no pics of an after party gown.
Margaret Qualley – A young up and coming actress and daughter of Andy McDowell. I loved this gown – simple, beautiful, elegant. Her hair could have been a little sexier. Grade: A
This is a case where she definitely chose the right gown for the awards ceremony. Her after party gown …
A pretty baby doll type dress ... not feeling the pale yellow color and if one is going to show ones legs, one should make sure one has nice legs.
Brie Larson – OK ... This was beautiful but I have to say the cape detail is aging to me. Once again, hair pulled back too tight and makeup was a bland. But compared to everyone else, this look was very pretty. Grade: A
The beautiful Gal Gadot. You can’t go sexy black lace on top to feminine pink fluff on the bottom with a diamond necklace OVER your gown. Is this some kind of new trend? And her hair was also too severe and pulled back too tight.
Gal gets an D minus.
After party gown was much better. Love her hair down and loose. This gets a much better grade than her Oscar gown. Grade: B
Kelly Ripa – Got to say, for being so petite she is wearing this gown beautifully. I actually really like it and her hair and makeup are a winner. Grade: A
No after party gown for Kelly.
Regina King – Regina looking beautiful and Oscar worthy. PERFECTION! Grade: A
Camila Morrone (Leonardo DiCaprio's girlfriend) in Carolina Herrera. This is actually a wedding gown. It looks more like an undergarment. Grade:
D
On the other hand, her after party dress rocked! Talk about sexy! Grade: A
Janelle Monae looked like a glammed up handmaids queen. This was a terrible look. The long sleeves, hood and A-line skirt. Ugh. Grade: F minus.
SANDRA OH! This gown was a total mish mash of everything you could possibly throw on a garment. Ruffles, feathers, belts, bows, bling, blang … TOO MUCH! She is far too petite to wear such a busy gown. Grade: Double F minus.
Sandra's after party dress was amazing! Once again, you should have called me and I would have told you to wear this the ENTIRE evening and forget this frou frou mess.
Salma Hayek – This Grecian style frock with the silver laurel wreath in her hair didn’t completely wow me, but I’m going to go ahead and give Salma a B. But you better do better next time. You’re only married to the RICHEST MAN ON EARTH
WHO OWNS Saint Laurent, Alexander McQueen and Gucci.
This was much better than her after party dress which was tacky and reminiscent of a turquoise disco dress I had in the 1970's. She even wore her hair like I did.
Cynthia Erivo – there was A LOT going on here. Those two round things covering her breasts looked like a roman breastplate and utterly ridic, the dress also added weight to her plus one should never place a slit on a ball gown, especially
one that high. AND, did you notice all the hardware on her hands? Her nails looked like claws with a ring on every finger. Grade: F MINUS.
THIS is what she should have worn ...
Laura Dern channeling Miss Kitty from Gunsmoke. I love black and pink, but this saloon gal getup is not winning any points with me. Grade: D MINUS.
Catriona Balfe who is a model and should have SOME sense of style has none. What was this thing? Remove the pink portion and the black gown underneath might have worked. The hair was much too severe for an overall confusing look.
Grade: F Minus.
But her after party dress was beautiful! Tres chic! Grade: A
Kristin Wiig: Labia on the red carpet with black gloves. NO. Grade: DOUBLE F MINUS.
Olivia Coleman in Stella McCartney. Cutouts and buttons and capes oh my! I could have folded up a couple reems of blue velvet and created something so much better than this rag. Grade: DOUBLE F MINUS.
Lucy Boynton – Once again too much shit going on. We have black and white gingham looking frock with puffy sleeves, buttons and a peter pan collar with a too high waist that looks like a cumberbund for an overall look of confusion. Not a cohesive look at
all. Grade: F minus.
After party dress was a little better ...
Sigourney Weaver wearing my least favorite color of all-time forest green. It makes me carsick. This is just plain ugly. Grade: F Minus.
Lea Seydoux – this is an oddly shaped gown for sure. The neckline is okay but then we drop down to a shelf of a ruffle with a black hem. Figure out what this is, and you win a chicken dinner. Grade: F
After party dress. MUCH MUCH BETTER.
Lily Aldridge, beautiful. I love the ruffles falling at the side with the red rose. Grade: A
Some killer after party gowns ...
Diane Krueger STUNNING!
Hailey Steinfeld - GORGEOUS!
Kate Beckinsale ... WINNER WINNER WINNER
As much as I hate her, she looks great.
Now for the ridic ...
Rhinestone pasties?
Kate Bosworth ... gorgeous!
Chrissy Tiegen ... NO.
Martha Stewart ... NO. P.S. There is this stuff called self-tanner? USE IT.
NOW FOR THE CLOWNS ...
Mulan in Nikes.
Billy Eilish ... grow the fuck up.
So my peeps, that's it for this year. I hope you enjoyed my choices pro and con and I thank you for your patience. I really do try to get these posts done immediately. I actually had people texting me asking where my Best and Worst post was LOL.
So, until next year ...
SMOOCHES!
