Friday, May 31, 2024

J-LO needs my help ...

 


Everyone knows that I hate Jennifer Lopez.  But, because I am trying to be a better person and not spread negativity into the Universe bringing karma back onto myself, I am going to do a good deed and give J-lo some heartfelt advice.  

Dear Jen,

    You have just cancelled your world tour.  You state that you are devastated and heartbroken about having to do so, but that you must spend time with your family and close friends right now.

    Your last two documentaries, This is Me Now, and This Was Me Then, whatever, bombed.  And, it seems that you and Ben are having trouble and you are actually living separately right now.

    Jennifer, you must, absolutely must, get therapy.  Not couples therapy, but you and the therapist one-on-one.  And not for just six months or a year.  You need to go all in for at least five years.  A 54-year-old woman who still has the emotional maturity of a sixteen-year-old girl needs to examine WHY.  

    You've been married four times and have never, EVER been alone.  Not even for a minute.  You just keep overlapping your relationships.  You divorce one and marry another within a few months of divorcing and/or meeting a new person.  You don't know who you are!  This is why you desperately need your fans and an audience 24/7.  This is not normal.  

    You romanticize your marriages and relationships as though you're the popular girl in high school who is dating the football hero and you want to make absolutely sure you have a ton of pictures of the two of you in the yearbook.  You're fifty-four.  Not sixteen.  Real relationships are not like being on a date for the rest of your life.  They evolve and change.  And it seems when it changes, you freak the hell out and then the next thing you know, you're on the road to divorce again.  Aren't you tired?  You call yourself a hopeless romantic, but honey, you're just hopeless.  You need to find a spiritual practice and practice it.  You need to be alone for a few years and find out who the hell you are.  Believe me, you will not die from not having sex or not receiving adoration 24/7.  This is what feeds your narcissism.  I don't know.  Maybe you've been famous too long, but it's never too late to look inward and reflect, but it takes humility and courage.   

    You need to figure out what you want to do for the rest of your life.  You're quickly on your way to becoming Madonna.  And I don't know about you, but I would rather die than to become like Madonna.  A tragic 66-year-old lady still wanting to be a controversial sex bomb.  That is just sad.  

    I know you thought that when you and Ben finally married it would be heaven on earth.  I knew it wouldn't be.  That's because you want to live your entire life in front of cameras.  Ben Affleck does not like living his life in front of cameras. That's part of the problem right there.  You can't live without cameras in your face, and he can't stand it. What is necessary in this circumstance is that someone has to make a compromise.  You or him.  

    Seriously girl.  You need to grow the fuck up.  I mean, how many weddings do you want to have? 

    Well, I hope you've enjoyed our little talk.  And I hope you take what I said to heart.  Because it's not going to get any better.  Soon, you'll be 60, and let me tell you, THEN everything starts going downhill.  Everything hurts, you can't dance and jump around anymore, and you can forget about wearing Manolo Blahniks ever again.  So, good luck to you, and start exercising your brain.

        Yours truly,

        Debbie       


Monday, April 15, 2024

SHORT AND SWEET .. THE WHITE HOUSE DINNER and other current events ...

 

Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez at White House dinner.  

 

Hun, this tacky rag might work at the Golden Globes (and even then it would be considered "outdated"), but whatever.  And flashing 50-year-old breast implants is never a good look, and you really need to ease up on the Botox and fillers.  

The next time you are invited to a White House affair, please call me.  Elegance is the dress code for the evening.  Not looking like a puta in a long red corset aka saloon girl outfit.

You're welcome.

NEXT ...


The death sentence handed to a real estate tycoon in a $12.5 billion financial fraud case is the latest punishment meted out by Vietnam in the Southeast Asian country’s sweeping “blazing furnace” anti-corruption campaign.

If this was the penalty in the U.S.A., the entire government would be on death row. 


NEXT ... 



So, O.J., what's it like in Hell? 

Sunday, March 10, 2024

IT'S OSCAR NIGHT!!!

 


Hollywood's big night has arrived!  I've seen a few of the nominated movies.  Barbie - don't know why it was nominated; American Fiction, great flick; The Holdovers, another great flick.  Am dying to see Poor Things.  So, without further ado, let's get at it!


Julianne Hough - WTH.  Usually, Julianne looks terrific, however, this rag is lacking in so many ways.  Huge palazzo pants with an attached tube top of horribly unmatching colors.  The hair sucks, and the make is unimpressive.  Grade:  F minus.  


America Ferrera.  OK.  Her body looks slammin' but I am not really feeling this gown.  I don't like the necklace and the hair is terrible.  She can do so much better.  Grade:  D- 


Lupita!  This woman always nails it!  The dress is stunning, the color is stunning, her entire look is stunning and glamorous and she is definitely a winner!  Grade:  A+


Becky G.  I think she looks adorable.  Love the black gloves, love the hair, love the bustier and, the black satin skirt.  Grade:  A


Bradley Cooper and his mom.  Damn, this lady is short!


Sarah McFarlane.  Sarah, you are wearing a beautiful gown however, makeup is key when a lady gets all dolled up.  And hair.  Hair is important as well.  Next time get someone to style it for you and for God's Sake, get a makeup artist.  Grade:  D

Hailee Steinfeld.  This is an incredibly beautiful gown.  I love the color, the golden accents!  Her hair and makeup are perfection!  Definitely a winner!  Grade:  A+


Eva Longoria.  This is beyond boring.  Basic black - boring, the hair is boring, and she is wearing too much makeup.  All in all, she missed the mark.  Grade D-


Erika Alexander.  First off, she is a fantastic actress.  She was in the nominated film "American Fiction."  Saw her with the hunky Benjamin Bratt in La Mission.  And, she was on "Living Single" which I loved.  However, what the hell is she wearing?  It is a Cristian Siriano gown which I find horribly ugly.  White, black, mint green, pink, and lavender fluff with a black netted skirt??  Basically, this is a big ass mess.  Grade:  F Minus.


Laverne Cox bringing the Glam!  Always nails it!  It is sheer perfection!  Grade:  A+

Ava Duvernay.  First of all, she looks terrific (thank you Ozempic), not loving the dress, but her hair and makeup is definitely on point!  Grade C


Fran Drescher.  Here we have Fran channeling Jackie Kennedy cir. 1962.


Jamie Lee Curtis.  This is kind of a let down.  Like Eva Longoria she went with basic, boring black.  Her hair and makeup is great, but the dress, not so much.  Grade:  C

Jodie Foster always looks fantastic!  I love the gown, the hair, and the jewelry.  Grade:  B+  

Grace Gummer and Mark Ronson.  I love her look but she definitely needs more makeup.  Love the gown and that cool necklace!  Doesn't she have a pretty leg?  Grade:  A


Anya Taylor-Joy.  This is a beautiful gown.  I think she is perfection. Beautiful jewels, beautiful hair, beautiful makeup.  Grade:  A+

Billie Eilish.  She really is a beautiful girl and I am glad she chose not to look like a bag lady.  Grade:  B


Emma Stone.  I'm not feeling the color of this gown.  I'm just not loving it and it's surprising because Emma always brings it.  I love you Emma, but I have to give you a C.  Sorry.

Rita Moreno.  Rita ... sometimes less is more.  I love you, but I must give you a D- 


Sandra Huller.  I kind of like it (which is weird).  But I wouldn't want to sit next to her because one of those things could poke me in the eye.  Grade:  B


Gabrielle Union and husband.  Very beautiful gown and love the necklace but I think her hair is too tight.  Grade:  A- 


Emily Blunt and hubs.  Emily Blunt is my FAVORITE Actress.  I don't like the outline of chones, and I don't know why her sleeves are raised up like that.  It's weird.  However, because I love her she gets an A.


Margot Robbie.  Simple black gown with a little draping at the hip.  Grade:  B

Zendaya.  This girl is a true fashionista.  She is always on point.  Love the gown, love her hair, love the jewels.  She is sheer perfection!  Winner Winner Winner.  Grade A+


Vanessa Hudgens.  This is a disappointment.  Vanessa usually looks fantastic, but this dress looks like she bought it at H&M and then dressed it up with a diamond necklace and her hair is so SO 90's!  Grade:  F minus.


Florence Pugh.  Gorgeous.  Love the hair, love the makeup, love the gown.  Grade:  A+  Winner winner Winner.


Carey Mulligan.  I really love this but I don't care for the scalloped hem.
However, she looks like a damn movie star!  Winner Winner Winner Grade:  A+


Michelle Yeoh.  Gorgeous.  Such a lady.  Grade:  A


Greta Lee.  Gorgeous!  I love it!  Winner Winner Winner!!!  Grade:  A+


AND THEN GOD CREATED MAN ... thank you thank you thank you!

Matt Bomer ... Sigh.





Sunday, February 4, 2024

2024 GRAMMY RED CARPET ...

 

Miley Cyrus.  I'm kind of loving this 1970s suburban housewife coiffe.  

As for the rest of this chain-link mess of a gown with an Egyptian vibe .... NO.  

Grade:  D-


Billie and Phineas Eilish.  Again, super talented brother-sister duo.  Phineas looks quite dapper.  His sister, not so much.  
Phineas - Grade:  A
Billie - F-


Coco Jones - YASSSSS!  Beautiful girl, beautiful gown, rockin' body.  Grade:  A+ WINNER WINNER WINNER!! 


Jameela Jamil.  Gorgeous girl!  Love the red, but not the neckline.  Black shoes????  Grade:  B- 


Olivia Rodrigo.  PERFECTION!!  Perfect makeup, perfect hair, gorgeous gown!  A+++  WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!


Victoria Monet.  A very beautiful girl!  Make-up and hair is flawless!  BUT ... these undergarment-looking gowns with the stays have been done to death.  Grade:  B+


Jon Baptiste.  I LOVE THIS MAN!!!!!  Grade:  A


Doja Cat.  Absolutely beautiful girl but those tacky tattoos?  That's one demerit.  Nips blurred out - That's two demerits.  The makeup is good but the gown looks tacky.  Just like her tats.  And her shoes.  Grade:  D-


Summer Walker chanelling Hello Dolly.  All that's missing is the parasol.  She looks like she's wearing coconut shavings.  Without the hat, it might have worked.  Grade:  C


Jelly Roll.  This dude is really talented and has quite a story.  I saw him on 60 Minutes.  He did some serious time all the while writing songs.  HOWEVER, couldn't he afford to groom himself and purchase a nice suit or something?  I mean seriously!  You're at the Grammy's dude.  Grade:  F-



Sexy Dua Lipa.  Very pretty, but doesn't her gown look like it was made with a buhzillion paperclips?  Grade: B-



Kelly Osborne.  ENOUGH WITH THE FREAKIN PURPLE HAIR!!!!!  OMG!  Grade:  F


Fantasia Barrino.  Love her, but not feeling this gown or the hardware on her face????  One good sneeze and she could tear her lip off!  Hair and makeup are perfection, however.  Grade:  C+



Paris Hilton.  Very pretty gown, love the color but not the Morticia hair.  You know these super long extensions are getting quite tiring.  Grade:  B-


David Guetta & Jessica Ledon - CUTEST COUPLE!  


Gayle King.  Love the hair, love the makeup, love it all.  Grade:  B++ with a snap.



Kat Graham.  Amazing!  Amazing that she made this from one long piece of paper!  Grade:  F-


Lauren Daigle.  Amazing what you can do with ruffles, silly string, and a hat.  With braids no less.  Grade:  F-




Chrissy Teigen.  Though I LOVE black and pink, this is way too SHORT.  Grade:   B


HOW CUTE!  NOT.  Not feeling the pink turtleneck or the flower-power necklace.  Grade:  F



Sheila E.  Sheila, Sheila, Sheila.  You can do much better than this funky outfit.  And your hair?!  Girl.  I hate to do it, but I must.  Grade:  F-




Paris Jackson.  This girl is SO BEAUTIFUL!  Simple elegance and NO TATS!  She either had them covered up or removed.  In any event, I like her without all that ink.  Truly upgrades her look and she presents like a lovely young lady.  Grade:  A




Mark Ronson and Grace Gummer.  I like it.  Grade:  A for both.



Jade Starling.  She looks a little hard around the edges don't you think?  To get away with this look one must be very young and very beautiful.  Leather?  Studs?  Is that a belt with two buckles?  Sorry hun.  Grade:  F-



And it wouldn't be a Red Carpet without you-know-who's big face in the camera.  GRADE:  DOUBLE F-


Cee Lo Green looking like an imperial little emporer.


Cardi?  Cardi B?  Is that you?  LOVE the color.  Grade:  A



INGENIOUS!  Take your shade with you!  Ideal for the menopausal woman!  I mean seriously.  Who designed this ridiculous piece of crap?!


La Diva Swifty.  Love the white, love the black gloves. BUT THE HAIR!  It's just hanging there like spaghetti!  Ruins the entire look.  G
rade:  C


YOWZA!!!


KILL ME LENNY cause I'm already dying!!


There were a few gorgeous ladies and gentlemen and I hoped I covered all your favorites.  

OK, PEEPS.  I'm tired now.  Gonna watch TV and get ready to paddle to work tomorrow.

SMOOCHES!





J-LO needs my help ...

  Everyone knows that I hate Jennifer Lopez.  But, because I am trying to be a better person and not spread negativity into the Universe bri...