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Tuesday, April 30, 2013

I'M BAAAAAAACK!!!!

OMG I was seriously jonesing without my computer!  So many things were happening that I couldn't comment on or rant about because my computer blew up.  I burned out the graphic!  So today I come to you on a brand new Dell computer!  Yay!  I still have to download Word and figure my way around but I have my blog back and I'm so glad.  I never realized how much I needed to write (bitch/moan/complain, etc., et al.)   

So where to start?  Mhmmm ... well, I got home from work Friday night tired and hungry and my husband decided to go buy Mexican food from his favorite restaurant.  As he was leaving ... in MY car, he did ask me if I wanted anything.  Sweet huh. 
Selfish pig.  bitch please photo bitchslap.gif

OOOOOKAY!  Jodie Arias and the trial that will never end.  I have so many feelings on this.  First of all, I think that she is definitely cuckoo for coco puffs but I also think that Travis Alexander was definitely messing with her head.  This is why one should never mess with anyone's head ... because they might stab you 27 times, shoot you in the brain and slit your throat.  Just sayin'. 











People's Most Beautiful Woman ... Gwyneth Paltrow?  They couldn't think of anyone else? 



Like Amber Heard for instance ... who really is BEAUTIFUL.  Gwyneth ... not so much.

 
 
Housewives of Atlanta are over and Orange County Housewives are starting.  Boy oh boy am I going to have a lot of shit to write about.  First of all Keyna Moore is seriously mental.  This is what malignant narcissism will do to you.  Gone with the Wind Fabulous with a twirl ... GURL you are not. 
 
You're just plain assed crazy. 
 
  
 
And doesn't Miss Phaedra look as though she just smelled a fart? 
 
Next, those crazy housewives of Orange County are back.  They seem to get crazier and crazier.  Apparently, Vicki had a chin implant and some other "refreshing" except that she doesn't look very refreshed.  Her hair is a mess and the craters on her face seriously need filling or landscaping. 
 
 
 
Vick ... the false eyelashes are ridic.  Your eyes now slant upwards and your pig nose is not so piggish.  Are you happy?  I hope so ... cause personally, your face lift sucks.  
 
Tamara seems thinner somehow.  Which is entirely possible since I'm fairly certain she barfs after every meal.  Apparently, the shows big event this season will be her marriage to fiancĂ©e Eddie who has cheeks large enough to store nuts in.  The two of them have opened a fitness club and Tamara owns FIFTY-ONE percent of the business which she keeps repeating over and over and over and she thinks that this makes her Eddie's boss.  Poor girl.  If she exercised her brain as much as she does her skinny body she might actually accomplish something ALL BY HERSELF. 
 
 
Tamara has proven to be a REAL MEAN GIRL and I hope that Eddie the Chipmunk leaves her at the altar.  Now THAT would make for a great finale!    
 
Alexis is still stupid but I gotta say I really like her shorter hair.  Jim, her owner/husband, is much happier these days because (a) he opened his new trampoline park; and (b) Alexis is back to being a subservient and obedient wife ... the way God intended (eyes rolling).   Poor Alexis.  One day, after she has a complete nervous breakdown, she'll wake up and leave the Pillsbury doughboy. 
 
 
 
Heather is turning out to be quite the snob.  At a beautiful gala at her beautiful estate her husband had the gall to ask her if the desert he was enjoying was purchased at Cost Co?!  OH MY GOD.  HOW DARE HE!!!  Heather Dubrow does NOT shop at Cost Co!  GAWD.  Everyone knows that only the lowest form of humanity shops at Cost Co!  Heather, Heather, Heather ... do yourself a favor and take the stick outta your ass. 
 
And stop with the Botox already!  You look like a fucken clown.
 
 
 
The new housewife, Lydia has that anorexic look to her.  Like a 12 year old girl wearing tons of makeup.  Right now she seems the most normal but time will tell. 
 
 
 
They are all bat-shit crazy and full of themselves and I hope they all go broke and end up homeless women on skid row.  NOW THAT I'D PAY TO WATCH!!!!
 
SMOOCHES!!


Thursday, April 11, 2013

LINDA LOU! LIVE FROM LAS VEGAS ....

Okay readers ... I have great news!  My hilarious girlfriend from Blogville (Linda Lou Live from Las Vegas) wrote a fantastically funny book about her move to Las Vegas after her divorce titled "Bastard Husband."  This weekend you will be able to download her Kindle book FOR FREE!  April 12 and 13!  So I suggest you all do yourselves a favor, download "Bastard Husband" for a heartbreaking yet, laugh out loud memoir.  My girlfriend, the amazing Leti, is reading "Bastard Husband" this very minute and she is LOVE, LOVE, LOVING it!  So help make Linda a best seller!  Download "Bastard Husband" today!






Monday, April 8, 2013

ANNETTE ...

I LOVED Annette ... I really and truly did.  I wanted to be like her when I grew up.  I wanted to look like her, she was so pretty.  I loved all the Beach Party movies and I loved that Frankie Avalon always played her boyfriend.  I saw him in person once at my parish's annual Fiesta.  Father Moretta knew him and invited him to sing and he came all the way out to The Hood and sang "Beauty School Dropout".  But enough about Frankie ... it's Annette I want to talk about.  To me she was almost Mexican.  I know that sounds kinda stupid but her being Italian and Catholic kind of made it the same thing to me.  And she did look like a lot of my older cousins and aunts.  The dark beehive hairdo, the eyeliner, the clothing -- pedal pushers, little smock tops ... I loved her.  

So dear Annette, I pray you Rest in Peace.  You suffered so much the last 25 years, and though I was so sad to hear that you have left us, I am happy that you are at peace.  God Bless you Sweet Angel ...