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Thursday, January 12, 2017

YET ANOTHER ADVENTURE ... YES, IN DANNYLAND ...

So, after my husband told me that I was mean to him I decided to make him his favorite dinner.  Roasted chicken, Stove Top stuffing and corn.  Hearty comfort food.  As you all know, our rule is -- whoever cooks, the other does the dishes.  

After enjoying our meal, and good night of TV, we headed upstairs to bed, BUT ... Danny remained downstairs, went into the kitchen and started doing the dishes!  As I relaxed in bed and heard him clanging the dishes as he did them I almost felt bad for him and contemplated telling him to forget the dishes ... do them tomorrow.  But I didn't.  I felt I had to stick to my guns.  

That morning, Danny was planning to spend the day with a friend at a racquetball tournament.  I was still sleeping as he kissed me good-bye.  I told him to have a good time and thanked him for doing the dishes last night.

When I woke up, THIS is what I found in my sink.  

I only wished I'd taken the picture before all the suds went away.  THIS is how Danny does dishes.  He soaks them in the sink with dish soap.  In Dannyland this process is called "DE-SANITIZING."

KILL ME.

Sunday, January 8, 2017

2017 GOLDEN GLOBES BEST AND WORST!!!!

THE MAN HIMSELF .... VIGGO MORTENSEN, Best Actor Nominee 
MUAH!!!


Giuliana Rancic has gone with a very pretty ballgown, very princessy blush, lavendar and pink sparkly flowers, however I don't like the belt.  Giuliana photographs very well here however on camera her teeth stick out from her teeny tiny jawline and make her look like a cadaver.  She should warn folks not to get too close to her ... those shoulder bones could take an eye out.  Grade:  A
 


Lily Collins - beautiful girl and this dress!  GORGEOUS!  The shade of rose or mauve or whatever you want to call it is beautiful on her skin.  Her makeup is perfection, hair/jewels amazing.  Grade:  A++ WINNER WINNER WINNER  WINNER



Olivia Culpo - GORGEOUS girl.  I actually really like this gown.  It has a European feel to it.  I love the fabric and the neckline.  Hair is good and makeup is perfection. Grade:  A 





Emily Ratajkowski.  There is something so sexy about this chick that just teeters on slutty.  She has gigantic knockers which I'm sure the boys just LOVE.  Very pretty dress.  Grade:  A


Anna Chlumsky.  TWO WORDS:  SPRAY TAN.




Kristin Cavalleri - GORGEOUS in a white beaded gown.  Simple elegance.  Love the hair and the makeup. Less is always more. Grade:  A+


Kathryn Hahn.  I'm putting her in because she was in Viggo's movie.  I actually really dig this look.  Very hip and sexy.  Love it!  Grade:  A



Gwendolyn Christie (who are you?) Hon ... the point at an awards show is too STAND OUT not BLEND IN.  Your hair is white, your skin is white, your dress is white. You are kind of too white.  Grade: White.




Felicity Huffman.  Lots of white on the red carpet tonight.  Felicty looks very pulled together.  Simple and elegant.  Grade:  A



I LOVE MANDY MOORE!  So adorable, however, not feeling this gown.  It's lacking something.  I don't really like those earrings with this gown.  Love you Mandy but have to give you a B-


Felicity Jones.  She is an incredible actress but this dress is a mess!  It looks like she made it in Home Ec.  There is just too much crap going on here. The black almost look as if it was drawn on.  And what's with the belt and the sparkly bow pin?  And the pink of the skirt does not match the pink on the bodice and what are those little black palm trees at the hem?  Grade:  F-


Natalie Portman truly channeling Jackie Kennedy.  She is very pregnant and I have a feeling that all the fashionistas are going to give her rave reviews.  She really does look like Jackie ala 1960's.  I don't LOVE it, but she looks good.  Grade:  B


Ruth Negga, best actress nominee for Loving.  She is looking very Josephine Baker to me with the hair kind of waved ... I'm also feeling a 1970's vibe, very 
Studio 54, she reminds me the famous model Pat Cleveland.  Grade:  A+ WINNER WINNER WINNER




Octavia Spencer. NO.  This is not good.  Your hair and makeup are good but girlfriend, the pants ... they would look so much better if they were longer.  Although I'd rather see you in a beautiful gown.  You failed me this year Octavia.  Grade:  D-



Michelle Williams.  I.  HATE.  THIS.  LOOK.  She looks like a kitty cat ... or a saloon gal with that choker tie thing.  The fabric of this gown is HORRIBLE and it looks cheap.  I don't like the bodice or those things on her arms.  It's terrible.  Grade:  F-




Priyanka Chopra ... GORGEOUS! Love the dress!  It fits her perfectly and I love the gold.  Not sure about the necklace and I wish she'd worn another shade of lipstick.  That dead maroon color ... ugh.  But other than that .... Grade:  A




Thandie Newton.  I LOVE THANDIE NEWTON!!!  Gorgeous!  Grade:  A+ WINNER WINNER WINNER!!




Hippie Dippy Drew Barrymore ... gotta love her!  This is a very ugly dress.  There is nothing more to say.  Grade:  F-


Kristin Bell ... GORGEOUS!!!!  She always nails it!  Grade:  A+ WINNER WINNER WINNER


Amy Adams ... This is almost too perfect.  Grade:  B



Anna Kendrick ... it's probably just the way it was photographed, but doesn't look like she has three boobs?  One boob is in the middle of her chest and the other boob is way over there???   Grade:  A+



Sarah Paulson ... she really does glam it up with sparkly fabric and jewels.  I'm not loving this gown but her makeup/hair and earrings are very nice ..
Grade:  B



Julia Louis Dreyfuss - same old same old same old same old ... BORING FORM FITTING SIMPLE BLAND UNEXCITING DRESS.  Grade:  Not Worthy


Sienna Miller ... lovely girl, but honey ... you're at the Golden Globes not the prom.  And those pearls!  Looks like you bought them at Forever 21.  Grade:  D



Class Couple:  Justin and Jessica.  Justin looking mighty handsome.  Jessica needs to do something with her hair.  That dress ... ???? not sure. 

 


Sofia Vergara - BAM!  ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS!!!! GRADE:  A+++ WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!


Gillian Anderson - GORGEOUS!  I wish I could think of another adjective.  She looks so SO BEAUTIFUL!  GRADE:  A+


CLASS COUPLE:  Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively - GORGEOUS!!!!!


Heidi "Fuckin" Klum ... F- to the nth degree because I hate her


CLASS COUPLENicole Kidman and Keith Urban - Nicole also seems to be channeling the saloon girl look.  "Miss Kitty goes to the Golden Globes" (if you're under 40 you'll never get the reference.  Ask your parents who Miss Kitty was)
Her hair and make-up are gorge though.  Grade:  C
 


So ladies and germs, that's it for 2017.  If I missed any of your favorites, please feel free to email me a comment.  NEXT ...

THE ACADEMY AWARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, January 5, 2017

ADVENTURES IN DANNYLAND ... INCIDENT NO. 12,634

So ... I have this really weird thing about light.  If the light is off in the bedroom and I'm watching T.V. and the light from the bathroom is filtering into the bedroom I get all weirded out and HAVE to turn it off.  I think it reminds me of all the times I was sick as a kid and my mom would leave the bathroom light on so she could see instead of turning the light on in my room.  That kind of ambient light still gives me the creeps. 

Also, I cannot and WILL NOT tolerate a ceiling light.  Recessed lighting YES.  A single light in the middle of the ceiling in the living room NO.  THERE MUST BE LAMPS.  We all have these weird phobias.  My daughter will not drink a glass of water until she inspects the glass to make sure that there is no broken glass IN the water.  She told me once ... "I'm crazy huh?" "No," I said "You're normal.  We all do shit like that."

ALSO, my light bulbs must be 100 or 75 watts.  NOTHING LESS.  In my opinion, if you're going to turn on a light that is only 40 watts what's the fucking point?  Just leave it dark.

OK.  So now that I've set up my story ... please continue reading ...

The other day one of the light bulbs in my bedroom lamps burned out so naturally, I needed another one immediately.  So I asked Danny to please get me some light bulbs.  Now remember that Danny is the type of person that will go to the ACME Store because he doesn't want to deal with the REAL SUPERMARKET where he has to park the car, walk into the store, get a cart, wait in a line, etc., et al.  ALSO, he has been known to purchase a can of chili beans to feed four people at a BBQ that is only large enough to feed ONE ...

This conversation ensues ...

Me:  Honey, can you remember to get us some light bulbs?

Danny:  Yes.  I'll get them after work.

HOW DO THEY SELL LIGHT BULBS?  In a pack of two right?  Sometimes a pack of four?  He comes home, gives me a light bulb and I put it in the lamp. Voila!  A 40 watt bulb.  Whatever.

THEN, the very next day the lamp on my other nightstand goes out.  So I need another light bulb. 

Me:  "Danny, where are the light bulbs?"

Danny:  "I just got you one the other day?"

Me:  "I know that, but the other lamp in our room needs a light bulb."

Danny:  "But you already put a light bulb in the lamp in the bedroom."

Me:  "No.  I moved the light bulb from the lamp in the living room to the lamp in the bedroom and now the other lamp in the bedroom needs a light bulb so I need another light bulb."

Danny:  "I'll get it for you right now."

I WAIT.

Me:  "Danny."

SILENCE.

Me:  "Danny ... LIGHT BULB?"

HERE IT COMES ...

Me:  "Danny ... how many light bulbs did you get?"

Danny:  "One."

YOU SEE!  THIS IS WHY I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING MYSELF!

Monday, January 2, 2017

HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM DANNYLAND ...

So, we have dinner plans at 9 pm. Friends arriving at 7pm for champagne and snacks and a little conversation before we leave to the restaurant.  At 3:30 pm, Danny decides he is going to make chicken soup.  Not from-a-can-chicken soup, but taking-a-whole-chicken-and-putting-in-the-crock-pot chicken soup.  Now ... those of you of the female persuasion who are reading this blog post know how FUCKING STUPID this is.  One does not take on cooking project like this when one is (a) leaving for the evening and (2) IT'S NEW YEARS EVE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD JEEZ!  

So, he gets the chicken, puts in in the pot with water filled literally to the brim of the crock pot.  THIS IS ALREADY GOING WRONG.  But I let him continue.  He threw in an onion and sets it on low.  I did have the presence of mind to ask him if he removed the innards, he did.  Shock of Shocks and Thank You God.  

He left this thing cooking for approximately ninety five hours.  The day after when he decided he wanted to actually eat this mess, he threw in some frozen broccoli and some rice.  UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Stubbornly, he serves himself a bowl and raves about his chicken soup.  "Want some?" he asks me excitedly.  "NO" I say.  I'm not eating that.

Fast forward to 8:30 pm New Years evening.

Danny:  "I'm gonna trash that soup."

Debbie:  "WHY?"

Danny:  "I didn't like it."

And to all of you I say ...

HAPPY NEW YEAR AND WELCOME TO DANNYLAND 2017 


Tuesday, December 13, 2016

VIGGO GETS GOLDEN GLOBE NOMINATION!!!!!!



Viggo is not the type to campaign for a nomination.  He's all about the art.  And yet, he has been nominated for three Golden Globes and an Academy Award in the past which is a testament to what a great actor he is.  If you didn't see Captain Fantastic ... you should. 


Sadly, I doubt that he will win.  In fact, he should have won for Eastern Promises which was a performance beyond excellent.  And he never received a nomination for his performance in History of Violence, which, when I saw the movie years ago I said to myself ... that guy should be nominated for an Oscar!


But it will definitely make the Golden Globes MUCH MORE ENJOYABLE TO WATCH. 


I don't know what is on Viggo's horizon.  Haven't heard of any movie roles, but have heard he is planning to direct his first film.  When?  I don't know.  So let's all send Mr. Mortensen some love through the ether shall we! 

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

ADVENTURES IN DANNYLAND - INCIDENT #46 ...


Ring Ring

Me:  Hello?

Dan:  Hi hon.  Hey listen, can you come and pick me up at the gym?  I locked my keys in my truck.

Me:  Of course you did.

Dan:  I know I know.

Me:  I just got on the bus.  I can’t be there until maybe after 7.  I’ll go home first and get the extra key and then pick you up at the gym.

Dan:  Thanks hon.

I get home at 7:00 pm. Trixie needs to do her business so I HAVE to walk her.  Back home at 7:15.  Get Trixie in the car and take off to get Dan.  Get to the gym about 7:30.  

I walk into the gym and have him paged.
There he is (smile) … he sees Trixie and whistles for her to run to him.
So, there he is.  He has no gym bag.  No towel.  No nothing.  This looks weird.  So I ask ‘where’s you gym bag?’

Dan:  It’s in my truck.  Remember?  I locked everything in my truck. 

Me:  But … how’d you get to the gym?

Dan:  I ran.  

Me:  From work?

Dan:  Yeah.

STUPID ME.  OF COURSE HE DID.  HE RAN FROM WORK TO THE GYM.  AT NIGHT ... IN THE DARK.  IN A T-SHIRT AND GYM SHORTS.  IN THE COLD.  KILL ME.

Me:  You’re crazy.

We get to the car, I drive him to his work where I park by his truck and wait while he goes into the plant to find jumper cables.  I wait.  And wait.  And wait.  AND WAIT.  FINALLY, I get off the car to see what the hell is going on.  There he is … walking towards me with a battery and cables in his hands.

He goes to work.  Lifes the hood, hooks everything up.  Jumps into the truck to start it.  NOTHING.  Jumps back out of the truck, looks under the hood, reconnects stuff, gets back in the truck, tries to start it.  NOTHING.  Jumps back out of the truck, looks under the hood, reconnects stuff, gets back in the truck, tries to start it.  NOTHING.  (Just repeat this twelve more times) … I am now getting very close to screaming.  It’s cold, I want to go home, I’m hungry and I have the dog.

I move my car closer to his truck.  I get the light from my phone and shine it under his hood.  He tries the truck again.  NOTHING.  

Stars, Planets, Universe  LINE UP …. LET’S FUCK DEBBIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

FINALLY, the freaking truck starts.  He tells asks me if I want to go eat something.  It’s 7:50 pm.  I think I’m beyond hungry, but I tell him I will follow him wherever he goes because I’m afraid the truck will die and I don't want him to get stranded. 

Dan:  “No, no Hon.  You can go home.  You don’t have to follow me.”

Me:  “I’m following you.”  (I have experience you see, I KNOW, that if I don’t follow him, his truck will FOR SURE die at an intersection, a stop light, a corner, basically anywhere … and I’ll just get another phone call to come and get him.”

Dan:  Ok.  Wanna just go through  McDonalds?

Me:  Sure.

So, I follow Dan out of the plant.  We come to a gate that is supposed to automatically open.  It does.  However there is a freaking semi-truck parked right in front of the gate blocking the exit and there is no driver.  Yay.

NOW WE HAVE TO DRIVE BACKWARDS all the way down a long alleyway, turn around and go out another exit.  I follow him … thinking we’re going to McDonalds.  Remember?  McDonalds.  We’re not going to McDonalds.  How do I know were not going to McDonald’s?  Because we’re talking about Danny.  We are now going to Del Taco.  Why?  I don’t know why.  

He parks at Del Taco.  We get off. We order food.  Then, in a rush he runs towards the door.  I’m all, what the hell????!!!!  He said he needed to check on his truck. “Why” I ask, “because I left it running and I can’t turn it off!”

KILL ME.

So long story short, I got home at 9 pm.  My entire evening wasted.  No relaxing in PJs, no Anderson Cooper, no Vanderpump Rules.  No nothing.  Thank you.

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

A RE-POST IN HONOR OF MR. WEINER ... the gift that keeps on giving


Congressman Anthony Weiner (D-NY), who took a picture of his wiener, but isn't sure if it was HIS WEINER or someone else's weiner because someone HACKED his phone and he can't say "with certitude" whether the weiner is his or not. But it doesn't look like his weiner because if the weiner is his, .... IT'S VERY SIMPLE MR. WEINER!!!! A SIMPLE YES OR NO will suffice. WE'LL EVEN TAKE A "NO COMMENT" ... (and just so you know ... if I took a picture of my weiner ... I'd remember. But that's just me). You see, most "regular" people don't do things like take pictures of their weiners and text them to someone by mistake. Only highly, intelligent and important people like you all, do crap like that. This is mainly because most "regular" people have this thing called a CONSCIOUS ... and a healthy dose of FEAR about getting caught doing disgusting things such as ... taking a picture of their weiner and then sending it into cyberspace ... you know, stuff like that. Asshole.

SO, even after resigning for his disgusting acts it has now come to light that Mr. Weiner has continued to engage in twisted and perverted behavior with anonymous women and anonymous cell phones with anonymous aliases (aka Carlos Danger) REALLY? 

Of course, I feel for his wife.  Why she has chosen to stay with him is really beyond me but since I'm not her, I can't really judge her too harshly.  That Mr. Weiner even has a wife is a mind-blower to me, but if I could, I would tell her to take her baby and leave.  BUT NO.  She goes on t.v., tells everyone she loves him, she's forgiven him, BLAH BLAH BLAH.  And just watch ... they'll probably elect this guy.  Mr. Weiner should thank GOD that I am not his wife because I'd be sending a picture of his weiner to every newspaper/magazine and strange cell phone user on earth ... severed, fileted and roasting on a BBQ.   

Like Eliot Spitzer, the 54th Governor of New York and Attorney General who was nailing prostitutes left and right while infiltrating prostitution in the city ...  
RUNNING FOR NYC COMPTROLLER!  *sigh* ... MEN.  There's no getting around it.  Give them a little power, an ivy-league education, a nice wife and a family and what do they do?  They FUCK IT ALL UP and THEN, everyone forgives their sorry asses. 

I NEED TO RUN THE WORLD.



NEXT, Horn-dog No. 3:  The Mayor of San Diego Bob Filner 



A very old horn dog who has been accused of sexually harassing his employees.  Three have now come forward and one has hired attorney to the downtrodden and sexually harassed, Gloria Allred. 

HERE'S THE THING ... until we start electing WOMEN to positions of power these jerk-offs will continue to harass women, carry on with strippers and bang prostitutes and act like pigs.  And here's the other thing .... NO ONE HAS ANY SHAME!  It is AMAZING to me that a man who can take a picture of his pee-pee and send it to people on his cell phone, GET CAUGHT, have to resign, go through public humiliation which destroys his reputation, humiliate and disrespect his poor, suffering PREGNANT wife ... AFTER ALL THAT, THIS ASSHOLE DECIDES TO RUN FOR PUBLIC OFFICE!

WHAT THE F**K IS IT WITH THESE

PEOPLE?!!!