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Wednesday, October 29, 2014

HOLA ...

OK ... so everyone on the planet Earth has their panties in a twist because of Renee Zellweger’s face.  Personally I think she looks great.  Better than before.  And I’ll tell you why she looks different – she had her eyes done.  Her eyes were nipped and tucked.  Before they looked closed, now they look open.  I guess it is her prerogative as to whether or not she wants to own up to it, but apparently she doesn’t because she is stating that a “healthier lifestyle" is the reason for her looking like an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT person.  OK.  If that’s how you wanna go.  But we all know she had a little nip and tuck.  Personally, I don't think she looks THAT different.  And personally I would LOVE to have my eyes done.  I have so much sagging skin on my upper lids that soon I’ll need visors to hold up the excess skin.  Renee, before your "healthier lifestyle" you looked like you were right in the middle of a sneeze.  Now you don’t, so good for you.
 
 
 
 NEXT ...
 
JENNIFER LAWRENCE AND CHRIS MARTIN REPORTEDLY SPLIT
 
 
 
Of course they did.  Chris Martin is 37 and Jennifer is a child.  As talented as she is, she is still only 24.  This is why Gwyneth was somewhat cool about the whole affair (except for the fact that Jennifer is ALSO AN OSCAR WINNER which I'm sure just chaps Gwyneth's hide) ... anywho, I'm fairly certain Gwynnie figured it would burn itself out.  And it did.  So there.  So much for their conscious uncoupling ... P.S.  I still hate Gwyneth Paltrow. 
 
NEXT ...
 
I LOVES ME SOME DOLLY PARTON.  Girlfriend has a very large gay fan base and has always been very vocal in her support of the gay community.  She has taken to task Christians who judge those in the gay and transgender community and accuses them of sinning just as badly as others by judging those who are different from them.  Good for you Dolly. 
 
 
WHICH LEADS ME TO OUR NEXT STORY ...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Douglas MacKinnon Calls For Southern U.S. To Secede As Anti-Gay Nation Called 'Reagan'     
              
           
*SIGH* ... these sad SAD people ... they really believe this nonsense. 
 
Douglas MacKinnon says ... "If you do believe in the Golden Rule, then you're seeing all of this unravel before our eyes daily, unfortunately," he said. "If you happen to make a donation in favor of traditional marriage, you can lose your job. If you happen to refuse to bake a cake for a gay couple because it goes against your religious beliefs, you can be driven out of business."
 
Really?  Really.
 
How many cake bakers have been driven out of business because they refused to bake a gay cake????  How many folks have lost their job because they made a donation in favor of traditional marriage?  Really people, you're all just a tad too paranoid.  I say GO AHEAD and form your own nation called "Reagan" ... but do it on some remote island far far away.  Feel free to live in your own Private Idaho in your 1950's world but SHADDUP already!  And when nobody pays any attention to you all and when you have no one to blame for the Ebola virus but yourselves, don't come crying to me.
 
NEXT ....
 
So the 2014 General Elections are being held here in California and the advertisements and mudslinging have begun.  Having worked in the field of politics for a short while I can tell you that it is a VERY DIRTY GAME.  I’d tell you where I worked but I’d have to kill you … seriously.  I signed a confidentiality agreement in order to work there hence the price on my head by writing this.  I witnessed some truly pathetic behavior on the part of elected officials that was disheartening to say the least.  It was a real education which bred a deep disappointment in ones fellow man.  Especially the fellow man we choose to lead us … from candidates who begged for endorsements without regard to their pride or convictions to candidates who basically sold their souls and swore to say and do ANYTHING for the organization’s endorsement.  I left that position a much sadder person.  I thought I was cynical, but I realized that I am not cynical.  I am idealistic.  So much so that my idealism was shattered by the lack of conviction and conscientious of so many men and women who run for office.  Do I vote?  I don’t know what difference my vote would make to tell you the truth.  But I also realize that that is what THEY want you to believe ...(THEY being the rich and powerful) ... they want the masses to be apathetic.  To not vote.  To not care.  This attitude allows THEM to run amok ripping and robbing at will.  It’s the same old song … or have I just gotten too old?     
 

It’s just like the real estate market.  Have you noticed all the Open Houses lately?  Oh yeah.  It’s like 2008 never happened.  People so quickly forget the misery of the economic downturn.  “You better get in now!”  “YOU GOTTA BUY before it’s too late!!!”  “If you don’t get in now you never will!!!” 
 
WHAT’S WRONG WITH RENTING?! 
 
It’s almost as though renting is comparable to having an STD punishable by public shaming and banishment from respectable society. 
 
Here’s what you should do …
 
1.    Rent;
 
2.    Save a good down payment;
 
3.    THEN BUY.
 
Sadly, here is what most people do …
 
1.   BUY;
 
2.   With little or no down;
 
3.   With a mortgage that no one reads and, if they do, they don’t
      understand it. 
 
Then you have a CRASH.  It’s inevitable.  But whatever.  Having witnessed this trend many times in my lifetime I DO NOT WORRY about crap like this.  My advice?  Save the required down payment, have at least a year’s worth of income saved up just in case you get laid off and do not spend more than you earn.  AND DO NOT BE ASHAMED OF NOT OWNING A HOUSE RIGHT THIS SECOND.  If you do it right, you will eventually own a home … and you’ll be in a better position when you do.  You’re welcome. 
 

Saturday, October 18, 2014

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N!!!

As some of you may or may not have noticed, I've been gone for a while.  No blogging for Mama of late.  You see, I had places to go and people to see.   

My nephew Frank, affectionately referred to as "Frankster the Prankster" in childhood, got married.  After graduating college where he met his bride, and establishing himself working as a respiratory therapist in a hospital he decided to tie the knot with Miss Katie.  An adorable, BEAUTIFUL, sweet girl that I love and want to get to know better.  You see, these two live far off in another state so the wedding was my first opportunity to meet my new niece. 


I spent a wonderful few days with my ex-sister-in-law Donna Marie WHO I LOVE SO MUCH and she was unbelievably hospitable and great company.  I hadn't seen her in about 18 years.  Like most folks these days we are friends on Facebook but nothing beats a face-to-face conversation and time well spent.  I've promised to visit again. 

I especially love this picture ...


Katie and her daddy walking down the aisle.  Isn't she pretty!

They were married literally in her front yard, a property on a beautiful lake that was especially fitting for a fall wedding.  I got the feeling that this is what she is all about.  Simple pleasures and family.  The reception took place under a huge tent and the food was fantastic.  Gumbo, fried catfish, shrimp, bacon wrapped chicken ... incredible.  It was a beautiful wedding and I am so SO glad I made the trip.  God bless you both Mr. and Mrs. Martinez.

This was the first leg of my trip.  Back around June I committed to my first girl's trip.  NYC with Laura, Jennifer and Jaime to visit Laura's daughter Paulina who is going to college in New York.  This trip was scheduled for October 9 and I was looking forward to this trip like no other because I've always ALWAYS wanted to go to New York.  So, when I learned that Frank had proposed to Katie on Father's Day this past June I figured that I would have a wedding to attend sometime next year ... 2015.  NOT.  I get an email informing me that they are getting married on October 4.  WTF!  I'm going to NYC on October 9.  How am I possibly going to make two trips???!!!  Well ... I knew I couldn't miss this wedding and there was NO WAY IN HELL I was not going to NYC.  Funny what one can accomplish when one is committed.  NEW YORK CITY HERE I COME ...

There was only one problem.  The second I walked into my front door upon my return from the wedding my throat started scratching ... it was very sore.  Then the congestion, the body aches, the headache, THE COLD FROM HELL!  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  As all who know me know ... I'd rather have surgery than get a cold ... I'm in a panic.  Will I be well enough to travel?  How am I going to pack when I feel like shit?!  All I want to do is sleep and I only have two and half days to get ready!  Emails are flying back and forth!  We're due to fly out on the red-eye Thursday night! 

Me:  "Laura!  What am I gonna do?!" 

Laura:  "ATTITUDE.  Half of getting better is attitude!" 

SO, I get up and start moving.  Packing.  Working.  Sweating.  I am not having any fun.  Before I know it it's time to go.  Danny drives us to the airport.  I am not feeling a hundred percent ... I feel as though I am underwater. 

We are meeting up with Jennifer and Jaime at the airport.  I have my Airborne, my vitamin C, my vitamin B12 and I'm popping Cold-Eze like crazy.  Laura and I are hours early ... I like being early because you NEVER know what might happen.  Laura is texting Jennifer ... "where are you?"  "We're stuck in traffic."

It's after 11:00 pm and they're announcing over the loudspeaker for us to start lining up to board. 

Me:  "Laura, where are they??!!"

Laura:  "Don't worry girl.  They're gonna waltz in right as we're boarding the plane. "

AND SURE ENOUGH as we're boarding who come straggling in ... Jennifer and Jaime.  Jennifer is drunky-poo because she went to B.J.'s for dinner and had copious amounts of alcohol.  So she's happy to say the least. 

We are excited as we board.  We get to our seats and settle in and I do my best to sleep.  Jennifer and Jaime are unfortunately sitting behind the crying child from hell who cried for FIVE HOURS. 

We landed at JFK about 7:30 am and then took a car to NYC.  My eyes are bulging.  I'm taking everything in.  I'm excited and at the same time I so want to feel better.  We got to the hotel, left our luggage because the room wasn't ready and we immediately TAKE OFF.  Laura has us running ALL OVER NEW YORK CITY.  I wasn't in shape for this.  I had no makeup, I look like shit, I FEEL like shit but hey ... it's NEW YORK!  We saw Rockefeller Center, Radio City Music Hall, St. Patrick's Cathedral, had lunch and then continued walking for another 17 miles.  After my first six hours in NYC I needed to be intravenously fed and given speed.  BUT ... when we got back to the hotel we TOOK NAPS ... YAY!  After that I felt a whole hell of a lot better!  By the time we went out to dinner I was a new woman.

It was a FABULOUS trip.  We saw so much and ate GREAT food.  Enjoyed "Jersey Boys" with fantastic seats right up front.  Saw Times Square, went to the Met ... NYC is OVERWHELMING.  There is so much to see, so much to do and so much to eat.  The 911 Memorial was an all day event - incredibly moving.  It went by much too fast!

My overall impression of NYC ... I LOVED the vibe.  It is totally not what I expected.  I found the people incredibly helpful and nice, just really great people.  The city really does not sleep.  I always wondered while watching Sex in the City how Carrie felt safe walking home alone at night????  Now I know.  THERE ARE ALWAYS PEOPLE ON THE STREET!  I felt very safe all the time.  I loved the energy, the vibe, the way people get out and enjoy their city.  Great restaurants, great museums, great sites, great neighborhoods, the city was abuzz 24/7.  If I were 30 years old I'd live there!  Of course, one has to make a bazillion dollars to live in the city but dayum, WHAT A CITY!   
(Jamie, Janell, me, Laura, Paulina, Jennifer)

Jennifer, Laura, Me


The beautiful Juliana, Laura and Paulina



THANK YOU PAULINA FOR GOING TO SCHOOL IN NEW YORK!!
 
Otherwise, who knows when I'd ever have gotten to visit! 

Grand Central Station


Laura

One of the chapels in St. Patrick's Cathedral
 


Jaime, Laura and Jennifer

Jennifer, Laura, me, Jamie



Laura, Jamie, Juliana, Paulina on the streets of SoHo

Me, Juliana, Pauina, Laura, Kenna, Jamie, Jennifer - dinner in Little Italy

A rainy day in New York

Paulina and Debbie in front of the Plaza Hotel

Central Park

Jennifer, Laura and me on the High Line

Chelsea

Jennifer and two of New York's finest

The Pro ... Laura hailing a cab

Laura and I - Jersey Boys

Times Square

Janelle, Jamie, Jennifer, Laura and me - Times Square


911 Memorial Building



The Brooklyn Bridge




Until next time ... SMOOCHES!
 
 










Tuesday, September 23, 2014

SNARKY DEBBIE ...

So it's been a while since I've blogged because sometimes I just run dry of ideas or I'm not pissed off at anything and I have nothing to say.  That is UNTIL TODAY.   

I am forever amazed at the ridiculous shit I see on such sites as Huffington Post which is supposed to be a somewhat serious news blog.  I'm beginning to put Huffington Post in the same category as Radar On Line because they talk about the same trash.  

Saw this headline:


Kim Zolciak Shows Off New Boob Job and Tummy Tuck
The White Trash Wonder and mother of six. 



Funny ... I wonder why she didn't mention her penis removal?


NEXT ...
Jasmine Tridevil Gets Third Boob 'Because I Don't Want To Date Anymore'

Jasmine hon ... you do realize that all you have to do when someone asks you for a date is to say NO.  You do know that don’t you? 

 
 
 

NEXT ...

So Kris and Bruce are finally calling it a day.  Seriously, no one really cares about these two but I must say that I'm quite happy for Bruce.  Kris has agreed that if she gets custody of 17 year old Kylie she'll give Bruce his balls back. 
And if that goes well she'll consider returning his spine. 


NEXT ...

Kim Kardashian's Alleged Nude Photos Leak Online!
So ... like we've all see you naked.  ALL OF US.  In the entire world.  Have seen you ... NAKED.  

When are these crazy narcissists celebrities going to realize that this is no longer shocking?  WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR NAKED ASSES.  We really don't.  Been there, done that, seen it too.  I'll tell what would shock me ... if I heard you'd read a book.  THAT would be shocking.  Or, if you started wearing clothing that actually FIT you.  You do tend to squeeze yourself into clothing that is much too small causing you to look like a stuffed sausage.  So yeah ... if you  started dressing like a lady I would find that shocking.  Nude pics? ... not so much.
  

NEXT ...
Jennifer Lopez and Iggy Azalea have a new video.  Basically, it consists of the two of them shaking and grinding their ginormous, gelatinous butts in an attempt, I'm sure, to excite 14 year old boys to climax.  Personally I don't get it.  Also, do you know how many other females in the world can do the same thing girls?  LOTS.  Lots and lots.  All I can say is ... J.Lo's children must be so proud.  (How old are you again Jenny?  46, 47???
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST ... THE THRILLA IN WASILA 
PALIN BRAWL IN ALASKSA

The white trash family from Wasila was involved in a big ass brawl.  Bristol Palin apparently has a great right hook and punched a guy square in the face causing Mama Grizzly to gush with PRIDE about how she loves her some Bristol and then she goes on to thank all her "prayer warriors" ... This woman was almost a heartbeat away from the Presidency.  THANK YOU JESUS FOR LISTENING TO OUR PRAYERS.  SERIOUSLY.  Thank you.

Until next time ... SMOOCHES!




Thursday, August 28, 2014

ORANGE COUNTY HOUSEWIVES - REUNION PART I ...


SO, caught the RHOC Reunion Part I and can I just say that Tam-Tam did not come off well at all.  She basically sat there with a sneer on her face the entire time (which really brought out the wrinkles around her eyes and if I were her I would get some more Botox … unless it isn’t helping anymore and we’re in need of an eye lift) and she was surprisingly quiet except for the one time she SHRIEKED at Vicki about HER OPINION!!!!  Good God she should have taken a Valium before filming.  I hate her.

heather dubrow at rhoc reunion

Heather and Terry came off very poorly.  Terry came off like another housewife (a man without a penismaybe he could borrow David Beador’s) and Heather did some serious backpedaling after viewing footage of herself behaving how she insists she didn’t behave, BUT DID.  Can’t argue with that Heather.  When the TRUTH is staring you in the face there ain’t nowhere to go but down. 

Shannon Beador
The Beadors came off VERY WELL.  Calm and collected.  By their even tempered and calm demeanor they were able to expose the real craziness of the Dubrows and Tamra.  (And where was Eddie?  Me thinks he could care less about supporting his “old” lady.  Didn’t want to be embarrassed by her shrieking and possibly popping a vein on camera.  All the other husbands were there to support their women …. Oh oh Tamra … I don’t knooooooow.) 
Vicki is still delusional.  I have never in my life witnessed anyone in such deep denial about her entire life.  She is still hoping that one day Brianna and Brooks will be best friends and they can all be one happy family.  DELUSIONAL.  Perhaps it's better to just let Vicki continue living in her own private Idaho.   
 
 
Lizzie came off very well and managed to put Tamra down with class and without nary a swear word.  So much so that Tam-Tam did not have a come back.
WOW Lizzie ... you shut Tamra up! 
 
Stay tuned for next week when I'll recap Reunion Part II.  Until next week … SMOOCHES!