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Sunday, March 26, 2017

RHOBH ....



Holy Moly Guacamole Batman what the hell happened on RHOBH last night?!  Erika (“Jayne”) Girardi lost her shit!  I mean, she actually SHED TEARS.  Now I gotta say that she is one of my favorite housewives.  She’s a straight forward-no bull-shit kinda gal and I like that, but apparently the “panty-gate” situation bothered her much more than she originally let on.  

Erika Jayne

If you recall, a while back at a housewives get-together with the husbands, Erika showed up sans underwear.  As fate would have it, Dorit’s husband P.K. (what the hell kinda name is that?) was seated in direct view of said bare crotch and stared at it all night long (PERV).  If that were my husband his pee-pee would have been severed, filleted and roasting on the patio BBQ.  But I digress.  

So this became THEE topic of conversation ALL SEASON.  Well, in order to bring a peace offering of sorts and little levity to the situation, a few weeks later Dorit purchased a pair of sexy, lacy panties for Erika and told her that ‘since we’ve all seen your puss … blah blah blah’.  Erika was perturbed by this and told Dorit that she shouldn’t have gone there, but she was cool.  Whatever.

OK.  Let us surmise:

(1)    Erika, a lady should ALWAYS wear underwear.  Just sayin.

(2)   You should have told Dorit how much it bothered you that (a) her husband was staring at your cooch all night; and (b) it put you in an awkward position with your husband.  (If Danny knew I’d done something like that he’d divorce my ass in a New York minute) …

This has been a running theme throughout the entire season.  Panties, no panties and Erika Jane’s va-jay-jay.  

Fast forward to dinner in Hong Kong when everyone fucking lost their minds and began attacking Dorit for making Erika feel bad.  

Dorit
We have two camps.  One consisting of Lisa Vanderpump and Kyle, who are being fair to both sides, but in truth Vanderpump seems to be judging Erika a little more harshly than Kyle.  Perhaps Erika is FAR TOO BEAUTIFUL and it pisses off the Diva Vanderpump.  I don’t know.  

Vanderpump and Kyle

Then there is Eileen Davidson and Lisa Rinna.  Both these ladies are tight with Erika.  However, Lisa Rinna seems bent on destroying Dorit because Dorit told everyone that Rinna puts Xanax in her smoothies.  Eileen is truly the voice of reason, but when Erika bites Eileen’s head off Eileen starts to cry because up until this very second they’ve been pretty tight.  I was really taken back by Erika’s attitude toward Eileen.  Apparently, Eileen made a comment about how Dorit didn’t kill her child (to compare the panty gate situation against) and Erika FREAKED THE FUCK OUT because her son is a cop and she worries about him day and night when he’s at work and might not come home and blah blah blah, and you should never joke about someone’s kid getting killed and on and on and on.  BUT for someone who NEVER shares much of herself and really does come off as somewhat cold, it now seems kinda strange that she’s going all ape shit towards someone who has thus far been a very good friend to her.  

Eileen
Though I really like Lisa Rinna she does put her foot in her mouth and has made some really incendiary accusations like asking Dorit if she trusts her husband.   Personally I think she has a point.  I mean after all, he WAS staring at Erika’s cookie all night.  And I think if P.K. were a gentleman he would have avoided looking in that direction.  By her comment Rinna is inferring that maybe Dorit doesn’t trust that her husband is faithful.  Dorit is of course incensed by this and states that she trusts P.K. IMPLICITLY.  So there you have it.  This is a pretty good recap of all that transpired.  It was basically a fuck fest of hormones and estrogen.


The season is almost ending and we have the Reunion episodes to look forward to where the ladies will continue to kvetch, connive, scream and demand RESPECT as they scratch their way to Hell.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

YOU KNOW YOU'RE OLD WHEN ....

These are the ads popping up on your FB page ....

Sunday, February 26, 2017

2017 OSCAR RED CARPET!!!!

Another year, another Red Carpet.  This one wasn't as exciting as most, nor as glamorous.  No one really WOWED me, but I am a faithful watcher so let's begin.

BACKUP!  I just saw the last of the show.  They announced La La Land as Best Picture and it was a MISTAKE!!!  Moonlight really won!  OMG.  The La La Land cast were making their speeches and a guy runs onto the stage to say it was a mistake.  WOW.  That's a first!

OKAY .... back to fashion ....

First, we have the beautiful Alicia Vikander.  I really liked this look on camera though in the photograph below it looks rather plain.  But I liked it so ...
Grade:  A


Ana Duverney ... this looks like a David's Bridal purchase.  The dress looks stiff like paper and uncomfortable.  She must have been scratching through the entire show.  Grade:  D- 
 

Blanca Blanco.  Really.  That is her name.  Translation:  White White ???? 
We begin with too much Frou Frou on the shoulders, the slit is way too high and hopefully for our sake she waxed.  The fabric also looks like ugly wallpaper.  She pairs all this with a RED belt and BLACK shoes.  NO.  Grade:  F-
 

Chrissy Teigen who thinks she's a major celebrity because she's married to John Legend but she's not.  Also, she has the ROUNDEST face ever.  She could use a little facial sculpting lipo on those cheeks.  The dress?  I guess it's pretty but I don't like the bib in front and that slit is way too high.  Grade:  C
 

Yodel A-Hee Who .... Heidi of the Mountains? ... p.s. her hair looks like a big ol cotton ball.  Grade:  C-
 

Dakota Dakota Dakota ... where did you find this dress?  In your grandmother's attic?  Was it once a wedding gown?  From 1945?  With a bow and an apron, and long sleeves?  It's all a rather wrinkly mess.  And her hair?  It's just hanging there like spaghetti.  And that gigantic necklace is ALL WRONG.  WHO DRESSED YOU DAKOTA?  Grade:  F-  (did you get that Dakota?  MINUS.  An F MINUS)


Every time I see Emma Roberts I think to myself .... gee ... she's almost pretty.  The dress is quite chic.  I believe it was vintage.  Her hair looks nice and I gotta give her props.  She's looking very sweet and fresh.  Grade:  A
 
Emma Stone looking every inch the movie star.  Love the hair, love the makeup, love the dress, love the jewels.  WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!!  Grade:  A+

Felicity Jones.  Extremely talented actress however I am not loving this dress.  It seems to add weight to her midsection.  Also, it seems to be missing something.  It's much too bland. The shoes, however, are pretty and her makeup looks great.  Grade:  D-


Ginnifer Goodwin.  I could swear she's worn this before.  Her hair is MUCH too short, dark and severe looking for this ugly red mess of a dress.  I think for this look she should have worn a wig or extensions to give the look a more cohesive look.  Grade:  F
 

Giuliana Rancic, the only living cadaver in blue.  Pretty ... I guess.  Dress is somewhat ill fitting.  I believe she was getting vitamin I.V.'s between camera shots in order to slow down the weight loss and keep the dress on her body instead of slipping onto the floor.  Grade:  B


Hailee Steinfeld.  LOVELY!!! Beautiful dress, beautiful hair, beautiful makeup.  WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!!   Grade:  A+
 

Halle Berry looking typical.  Killer body in a very body conscious dress but her hair looked like she stuck her finger in an outlet and KABOOM!  Her hair blew up and stayed that way.  TOO BIG.  I felt sorry for the lady sitting behind her ... Grade:  C
 

Isabelle Huppert looking PERFECT.  Literally perfect!  Great hair, great makeup and her dress is perfection.  So elegant.  The earrings are a great touch .... I even loved her nails.  WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!  Grade:  A+
 

Janelle Monet wearing a combination of looks.  First we have a Marie Antoinette skirt with hoops on the side, then we have a sheer bodice with various do-dads and one mother of a neckline that if she isn't careful will pierce her jugular.  AND a laurel on her head.  Grade:  F-, C, F- and D-.
 

Jerry O'Connell (aka Howdy Doody).
 

Jessica Biel.  SIGH.  Well, the dress is pretty, but that necklace thing is HORRIBLE.  It almost looks as if it might come to life like a sea urchin or a starfish.  She would have done better if she lost the necklace.  And her hair?  I guess it's okay if you want to look like Mary Todd Lincoln.  Grade:  D
 

Kirsten Dunst looking VERY GLAM.  Her waist looked super tiny and I loved this simple, elegant look.  Grade:  A+
 

Leslie Mann.  LOVE HER.  She has the perfect coloring to wear this chartreuse dress.  The only bad thing is that NO ONE thought to steam it!  It's a wrinkly mass of fabric.  Grade:  B
 
Michelle Williams.  OK ... black and white is always tres chic.  But I'm growing a little tired of this super short elfin haircut.  And she needs some statement earrings instead of those tiny studs.  Grade:  C


Pharrell's wife.  OMG.  Another David's Bridal purchase and her hair!  I mean I guess it's okay if you want to look 76 years old.
Grade:  F-
 

Nicole Kidman.  Nicole you can do better than this.  This look is the definition of bland.  The only noticeable thing are the red lips.  The rest is blah. She is so white that the dress just fades her out even more.  Grade:  D-
 

Olivia Culpo.  This girl always brings it.  Absolutely beautiful!  Hair/makeup and dress ALL PERFECTION! ... this look is a WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!  Grade:  A+ 


Ruth Negga.  She's a best actress nominee and this is the best she could do?  No stylist?  This looks like a prom dress I had in 1974.  And so do those shoes!   WHICH DO NOT MATCH.  Grade:  F-
 
Salma Hayek.  This dress looks like a negligee from the 1950's.  Her hair is not good.  The hairband and the earrings are competing with each other.  Would have looked so much better if she'd worn her hair up with the dangling earrings.  But DAYUM she has a great pair of knockers.  Grade: B


Scarlett Johanssen.  NO.  NO AND NO.  Grade:  F-
 


Theresa Palmer (I think that is her name), this looked very pretty on camera as she moved about but in the picture that belt is ALL wrong.  Her hair is good, earrings pretty, makeup good.  Grade: C+
 

The man himself.... Viggo Mortensen looking mighty handsome in a navy blue tux.




Viola Davis.  She looks very nice but I think some sparkles and more glam would have been better for an Oscar Winner.  Grade:  B+


Taraji looked very elegant.  She played it safe and went with a Simple dark navy velvet, off the shoulder with a really beautiful necklace.  Grade:  A+


Brie Larson.  Gorge!  Grade:  A+

 
Well folks, that's it!  Until next year!
 SMOOCHES!

Sunday, February 12, 2017

2017 GRAMMY RED CARPET ...

Just a few quickies ...

Chrissy ... I do not find this chick is pretty at all.  She's all cheeks.  The dress looks like a very elaborate corset.  Me no likee.  Grade:  F


Demi wearing a very similar dress as Chrissy's except in white.  I like this one better and Demi is looking dewy and beautiful.  Grade:  A











































Carrie Underwood in another dress just like the previous two (????) but in red.  Don't these gals have a heads up on who is going to wear what?  Grade:  B



And now we have the same dress minus the cut out in the boob area on Adele in forest green.  Yuck.  My least favorite color.  This looks very utilitarian ... almost like a military uniform.  Adele, however looks lovely ... Grade:  A




Katharine McPhee looking very classy.  Grade:  A

 

 Mother Nature showed up ...


Cee Lo Green in gold looking like a tiny monster.  Grade:  F -- double flip and a cartwheel snap.  BAD.
 

A very elegant classy look on a pretty girl ... Grade:  A
 

Ursula left the sea for a while to attend the Grammy Awards ... Grade:  C
 

It wouldn't be a party unless the Human Toothpick showed up.  She looks like a little dolly in a white frilly dress. Grade:  D 
 

Heidi Klum (who would show up for the opening of an envelope) wearing the silver mesh En Vogue video dress.  Grade: F
 
 p.s.  We can see your black panties. 

Laverne Cox looking Grammy appropriate.  Sexy leather with see through sides and GREAT makeup. Grade: A
 
Paris Jackson.  BEAUTIFUL GIRL.  Wrong dress.  And the tats look terrible.  They make her look dirty ...and not in a good way).  Grade:  D


Alice in Wonderland on acid. Grade:  F-  


Taraji in lavender.  The fabric is totally Madam Zusaska.  You got some eye balls and thunder and half moons and stars and even a spaceship.  Do you have a stylist girl? Grade:  FFF
 

And last but not lease, this lady is definitely channeling Patti LaBelle and the Bluebells.  Grade:  F
 

Katy Perry in mesh and fur.  I like her blonde hair but this dress needs to be one or the other ... furry or meshy.  Grade:  F -
 
 Lady Ga Ga NOT looking like a lady.  This is a big, fat NO.  Grade:  T for tacky.

 

 J-Lo looking like my kitty kat in lavender with a poof on the neck.  NO.
Grade:  F


Honorable Mention for most original gown. She basically dipped her skirt in super glue and jumped into a playpen full of plastic colored balls.  Grade:  S for STUPID.
 

My balls itch ...
 

Rhianna... MAKE UP your mind. Black gown, or orange something.  This is HORRIBLE. Grade:  F-