Pages

Thursday, April 9, 2015

MY CATHOLIC SOAPBOX ...

I kind of hesitated about posting this particular post, but in light of Indiana passing that ridiculous anti-gay law I am posting it.  It goes to the theme of people being hateful, unintelligent and plain stupid and pushing their beliefs onto others and not respecting anyone who believes differently than they do. 

I’ve written about this topic before … about people posting their religious and political views on Facebook.  I don’t do it as often as I used to because it incites war, but sometimes I can’t help myself and I’ll post Catholic stuff to piss off the Born Again Christians (because they hate us you know) and I’ll post super-duper left wing stuff to piss off the super duper right wing wing-nuts.

So I have a friend on Facebook who is like me; into all types of spiritual thought.  I am not a scholar or an expert by any means, but I can back up what I believe for those who care to listen.  I AM A SEEKER and I have no issue with your beliefs until you start messing with mine.  Then I get pissed off. 

So – a friend of a friend on Facebook has engaged in a war with me over Christian thought, doctrine, principles, rules, regulations, scripture, etc., et al., blah blah blah for which he has NO KNOWLEDGE.

This war of words stems from the fact that our mutual friend is in London visiting his son and this individual, let’s call him Jesus, Jr., no matter what comment you post on Facebook, will ALWAYS have a negative comment about gays and how everyone is lost and evil because they're not Christian.  Well, he has decided to enlighten me and everyone else on Facebook about England’s religious history.  Here is a sampling of our convos …

Jesus Junior:  you are now in a non christian country this is the country the christians left because of religious freedom and why the christians abandoned anarchy. and put right to bear arms yes churchill met with pres rosevelt on a distroyer begging the christian army to help them against the nazi s

Me:  Please.  This is the country that left the Catholic church in 1534 to form the Church of England when King Henry VIII wanted to divorce his wife Catherine of Aragon to marry Anne Boelyn.  England is NOT a non-Christian country.  Do your homework please. 

To this he responds by giving me a test.

Jesus Junior:  does England have the right to bear arms?  and a king and queen?  yes or no  ... (I’m surprised he didn’t print a little box for me to check)

Me:  England has a Queen. But she is merely a figurehead.  Parliament runs the government.  Citizens in England do not carry weapons, nor do the police.  what does that have to do with anything?  Your arguments are completely bogus.  Do your homework so you can debate with some intelligence.  And FYI, there was no "Christian army" there was just the army.

Jesus Junior:  wait this is piere morgan right?  I thought we ran you out of the country.

(Clearly an insult to deflect from the fact that I answered his ridiculous question). 

Me:  Do you mean Piers Morgan?  Learn how to spell.  FYI - I answered your questions dude.

Jesus Junior:  Then stay out of our Christian nation.  (Typical response of someone who does not know what he is talking about).

Me:  You seriously need help.  You're paranoid.  And I AM A CHRISTIAN.  And P.S. America is the home of the FREE ... to be a Christian or an aethiest, or a Buddhist or a Muslim.  Deal with it.

OK.  You're all probably wondering why I even wasted my time with this individual, especially considering that he cannot spell or express himself.  I just got tired of reading his ridiculous comments day in and day out and I couldn't help myself. 

The other reason was an example ... take this little exchange and magnify it by a billion and you have the chaos you see in the world.  Most people argue not with the intention of learning and understanding another person’s point of view, but with their next argument in their head.  I have found that when I really try to understand where someone is coming from two things happen:  (a) I get it; and (b) I learn something.  Instead of arguing with the sole intent of being “right” why not argue with the intent to “understand” and “learn”?  It doesn’t mean you have to change your thought or convert your religion, just TRY to understand where someone is coming from. 

I can appreciate that to go outside of what is comfortable naturally instills a certain amount of fear in people.  It is scary to question long held beliefs and to step outside of boundaries that we’ve been told we should never step outside of because to do so is akin to consorting with Satan.  But questioning is good.  Even when it makes us uncomfortable … we should actually sit with that feeling and ask ourselves WHY we are feeling uncomfortable.  For only by questioning can we really grow as human beings and as spiritual beings. 

And the other reason is ... I can't stand people who attack MY faith.  I am a Catholic and I can't tell you how many times I've had fundamentalists attack me. They ridicule our practice of saying a rosary (which is merely a meditation on the life of Christ from his conception to his resurrection), they believe we pray to the Virgin Mary, we call the priest “Father” blah blah blah.  Here is my argument to that ... WHAT DO YOU CARE?!  What is it to you that I’m Catholic?  I have never attacked anyone for their religious beliefs nor gotten into a pissing contest about who's right or who's wrong.  I have attended mass my whole life and in all these many years
I have never ever heard a Catholic priest say anything negative about fundamentalists.  Fundamentalists on the other hand, are very vocal about their negative feelings about Catholics and their false church.  Faith is faith and belief is belief and it's no one business and no one's right to attack or condemn or condescend to anyone who does not believe as you do.  Instead of worrying about all us “heretical Catholics” you should worry about yourselves and try to be more LIKE JESUS.  L-O-V-I-N-G.  NEWSFLASH!  Christ already died for my sins ... I don’t need YOU to save me.  So please … stay in your lane and I’ll stay in mine.  DAMMIT.

.... and I say this only with love. 

Friday, April 3, 2015

VIGGO ...

 
 
So Mama had the BEST Saturday night of her life EVER!  Last month I got tickets to Viggo’s screening of “Jauja” at the NuArt in Santa Monica and guess who was there as a special guest?  VIGGO MORTENSEN. 
 
This is how my day began.  I awoke to the thrill that later that evening I would be in the same room with my boyfriend in my head.  After morning coffee and basically laying around on my ass all day I finally jumped in the shower about 2 pm.  My friend Maria was going with me and was supposed to be at my house around 5 pm and I was going to drive us to the theatre.  We used Maria’s GPS which worked beautifully until … after driving for an hour and 15 minutes Siri informed us that we had arrived at our destination … which was in front of an apartment complex.  I then put the address into MY phone’s GPS and off to Wonderland we went.  I had to make a U-turn, go back down Santa Monica, make a right at the next light, go a mile to the next light, make another right, drive for about three miles, then make a left and lo and behold there was the NuArt. 
 
NOW we had to look for parking.  For those of you who do not live in L.A. this is why most people leave their houses at least two days in advance because it will take at least another two hours to find parking that isn’t seventeen miles away from your destination.  We circled the block twice.  There was parking with meters but not on Saturday from 8 to 8 which means NO PARKING.  FUCK.  We decided to park in a teeny tiny strip mall directly across the street.  I looked diligently for any sign that didn't allow parking and did not see anything sooooo … I parked (with a prayer that my car would still be there after the movie).  We went to 7-11, got our M&M’s and crossed the street.  There was already a line forming but we were an hour early so we were guaranteed good seats. 
 

Since we had some time I opened up my first pack of M&M's (because I'm a pig and one pack is not enough) and started making conversation with the two gals standing in line behind us.  Sanela and Karen.  Viggo Fans like me and that was all I needed to know.  We have an understanding we Viggo lovers.  So to me, they were my new besties.    
 
Here’s the thing.  I didn't want to sit too close because then I wouldn't enjoy the movie, but I didn't want to sit too far back because then I wouldn't be able to see Viggo.  Decisions Decisions.  We sat about 9 rows from the screen, dead center.  Perfect.
 
So Maria and I are sitting there eating our M&M’s and popcorn, chatting away when the host comes out and thanks everyone for coming and then says we has a VERY special guest ... he proceeds to introduce Viggo and he comes bounding down the aisle!  I wasn't prepared!  I didn’t expect to see him until AFTER the movie!  OMG!  He’s gone a little more silver the temples but he is still gorgeous as ever.  The last time I saw him was in 2009 for a Q&A at a screening of “The Road” (the most depressing movie ever made) – that was six years ago and he didn't come out until after the movie and then he didn't stick around so there was no opportunity to meet him or get a picture.  I could already tell that THIS night was going to be special. 
 
So there he is in the flesh, gorgeous, engaging, funny and adorable.  He spoke about the film and his passion for promoting it, and stating that it might not be veryone's cup of tea.  He thanked everyone for showing up and said he'd be back after the screening to take questions.



Movie starts.  Movie ends.  What can I say?  He was FABULOUS in the role.  Viggo has the ability to convey everything in his face, his eyes ... such a reactive actor.  And yes, it is not your run of the mill film ... there was lots of metaphor and allegory and expansive scenes of landscape, very little dialogue, and when it was over I was basically asking myself ... WTF?  It was one of those films that takes you on a journey, then makes a sharp left turn leaving you to ask yourself ... what the hell did it mean??? 



After the screening he came out, sat on a high chair and the host began interviewing him.  They opened it up for questions from the audience and he spent about 45 minutes answering questions.  And BTW ... he was sitting dead center, right in my line of sight with no heads in the way.  Perfect! 



Then it was over.  The host thanked everyone for coming and at that point lots of people started leaving but I noticed Viggo was still standing up front and people were now trying to make their way down to him.  THIS WAS IT!  MY CHANCE TO GET CLOSE TO HIM ... MAYBE GET A PICTURE WITH HIM!  It was cool because even though there were a lot of people around him there weren't like 40 or 50 people ... more like 12 to 15.  Maria and I made our way to him and she had her phone ready to take pictures.  Good thing because there was no way I would be able to handle my phone, take pictures, melt, talk to him and take it all in at the same time.



I made my way, little by little, until I was standing RIGHT NEXT to him on his left side.  All I could do was look at him.  His hair ..., his jacket, .... his hands, .... his cheek ... clean shaven and just begging to be stroked by me.  THEN I said "can I have a picture?"



He said "I'm not going to do that right now because they have to show the next screening but I'll sign something for you."  (Can I just say ... his voice ... *sigh* ... that voice I've heard in movie after movie speaking to me!  DOUBLE SIGH) .



OK.  I'm going to be REAL HONEST.  I was devastated that he wouldn't take a picture with me.  Devastated.  And he didn't make eye contact with me either so this entire conversation was taking place as he was signing autographs and handing them back to people.  HEART.  BREAK. 



But I got it.  I was standing right next to him so I was able to see the faces of all the other fans trying to lock eyes with him ... make contact ... engage ... and I thought to myself this has got to be really weird for him.  And then I realized ... I WAS ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE ... (eyes rolling with embarrassment).



So after he tells me he'll sign something I said "I only have this" (a crumpled up napkin) and he says "No, no.  Let's get you something" and he grabs a program for me and asks my name.  I told him and he said "how do you spell that?"  I told him and he wrote "Thanks Debbie ---  heart Viggo.  (See autograph below) this will be framed and kept in a place of honor in my home and upon my death will then be placed into my coffin with me for eternity.



 
After that Maria and I made our way to the front lobby so we could check out all the pictures she took.  I was so excited and disappointed at the same time.  Okay readers, honest ... I have to admit that I half expected him to recognize me from the ether.  I DID.  He's been in my head for so many years that I felt for sure that we really do have a connection.  THAT was when I realized ... Debbie, Viggo does not know you.  You are just another anonymous fan.  And I felt really kinda stupid. 
 



Look at me ... I'm literally swooning.



Close enough to KISS!







For years I've seen photos of him signing autographs and speaking at these Q&A's and I KNEW ... I somehow KNEW that I would be in a picture like the one above.  Kismet.  Destiny.  Call it what you like ... it was a night like no other.  Meant to be and I will never EVER forget it.



And really, IF he had made eye contact with me I would have either (a) melted; (b) fainted; or (c) straddled him.  MAYBE NEXT TIME.


Next to my wedding day, this evening ranks right up there in the top 10 of my life's experiences.  (insert happy face here).


SMOOCHES!
 
 

 
 

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

MORE PEOPLE THAT NEED TO BE BITCH SLAPPED ...

This bitch right here .... needs to be bitch slapped.  She is EIGHT months pregnant.  Don't you hate people who feel the need to take selfies of their hot selves, pregnant or not, and post them on the internet to the world to flaunt themselves and make others feel envious of their amazing pregnant or not pregnant bodies?  I do.  And for that reason this gal needs to be bitch slapped. 


Apparently, she has only gained 20 pounds.  Wow.  I hope her baby has a head. 

Ok, I realize that my next story is already old news but ... whatever.
 
So all hell broke loose on Fashion Police because Giuliana Rancic said that Zendaya Coleman looked like her hair smelled of Patchouli oil and/or weed.  Kelly Osbourne immediately takes to Twitter demanding that the show do something within 24 hours or she'll tell the world "how she really feels."  Good God people ... do you not realize that NO ONE FUCKEN CARES?  I like Fashion Police and I think Kelly actually has a seriously good eye for fashion.  Yes they are mean and catty but that is what makes the show what it is.  Joan Rivers was merciless if you recall.  Now Kelly has left the show (or was fired depending on who you believe) and Giuliana has made two, yes TWO apologies, which neither one (if you ask me) sounded very sincere.  IT'S A TV SHOW.  They discuss celebrities and what they wear.  They are not running the world or curing cancer. 

The political correctness of EVERYTHING is starting to get really RIDICULOUS.  These two need to be bitch slapped.   


 

NEXT ...
 
Forty seven (yes 47) Republicans senators wrote an open letter to leaders of Iran warning them about signing any nuclear deal with President Obama.  The audacity of these morons is beyond insane and traitorous.  This is such a disrespectful gesture to a sitting president that I really cannot believe they actually did it.  HOWEVER, I have an idea ... why doesn't the right wing faction of the government start their own country?  Leave the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA and form your own country with your own constitution where everyone will be allowed to own as many guns and assault rifles as they desire, marriage will ONLY be between a man and a woman, there will be no need for abortion or birth control because no one will EVER have premarital sex and there will never be any unwanted pregnancies.  There will be no welfare, no healthcare, no social security, no Medicare, or taxes.  However, remember one thing.  Knowing how much you all love to go to war, remember that you'll actually have to send YOUR OWN people because there will also be no blacks, no Mexicans or poor white people in your country to send.  Good luck with that. 
 
So YES.  Forty-seven Republicans need to be bitch slapped. 

Sunday, February 22, 2015

2015 OSCAR POST ... THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY ...

Let's begin with our hosts.
 

 
Giuliana Rancic - looked absolutely ravishing for a cadaver.  Where did she get this thing?  At the mall?  It looks very 1980's to me, tacky, tacky, tacky with way too much going on ... ruffles and netting and applique and a belt and sparkles.  Jeez I'm getting nauseated.  Grade:  F-
 
Kelly Osbourne
 

 
Kelly Osbourne and her lavender hair are getting really old, but I loved her gown!  It harkened back to the 1950's, very Ava Gardner.  Beautiful black lace sleeves with a boatneck neckline and I LOVED the folds of the skirt.  I usually don't go for the short/long hemline but on this particular gown it worked.  The gown gets an "A" but her hair gets an "F" giving Kelly a solid "C".  I also think she should stop using that maroon colored red lipstick.  Ick.  But because I love the dress so much I'm going to be generous and give Kelly a B+
 
 
Patricia Arquette in black and white looking quite beautiful.  I've always said you can never go wrong with black and white.  However, if the dress were strapless without that shoulder side thing it would have looked amazing.  Her hair was basically a mess.  It looks as though she pinned it up last minute haphazard and it shows.  She also could have used a little more bling.  A pair of chandelier earrings would have made the outfit a lot more Oscar worthy.  Grade:  C
 
Anna Kendrick ...


Anna Kendrick in a beautiful salmon colored gown with a diamond collar.  Very pretty.  However, Anna has no upper lip and I think investing in a little Juvaderm on that top lip would make a great improvement.  Other than that ...  Grade:  B+

Cate Blanchett ...

 
 
This woman can do no wrong in my eyes.  I love this simple, elegant black gown with the turquoise statement necklace.  Love it.  Grade:  A
 
Julianne Moore ...




Julianne Moore.  This gown was beautiful and she looked beautiful in it.  Her makeup and hair -- perfection!  She is SO BEAUTIFUL.  Grade:  A+
WINNER WINNER WINNER!

Kerry Washington ...



Where the hell did she get this?  David's Bridal?  Cheap-o. 
Grade:  F-

Emma Stone ...


Gorge!  Not many people can wear this chartreuse color but Emma pulls it off beautifully.  Her hair and makeup -- perfection.  Nothing more to add to this ... Grade:  A+ WINNER WINNER WINNER!!

Melanie Griffith and Dakota Johnson ...


Dakota looks very pretty in red with silver embellishment on the arm.  Love her pony ... she looks young and fresh, very sweet.  Melanie is the same size as Dakota (bitch) and looks like a vampire with blonde hair.  Actually, Melanie looks pretty damn good.  I'm giving both of them the same Grade:  A.

Jennifer Lopez ...


What can I say ... the bitch always brings it.  Looks fabulous - Grade:  A

Rosamund Pike ...




PERFECTION!  This woman is the epitome of feminine elegance.  There is something so ethereal and beautiful about her.  Gorgeous in red!  Grade:  A+  WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!!

Lady Gaga ...


She looks like a nun from the future.  All that's missing is the veil and crucifix. 

Grade:  F
and p.s. can the girl sing or what?!  That tribute to Julie Andrews and Sound of Music was amazing.  Did you hear that Madonna?

Gwyneth Paltrow ...



Much as I hate to, I have to say that she looks really pretty.  I like the dress, even that flower on the shoulder and I love that shade of pink (she's been wearing lots of pink lately but at least this isn't that Pepto Bismol pink)
Grade:  A+

You know, I just want to say that almost everyone looked really good and it's was kind of hard to find someone to pick on but I did my best.

Here we have Blanca Blanco (yeah ... her name in English is White White) ...

 
The dress looks as though it was constructed of paper mache.  Grade:  F-
 
Faith Hill ...
 
 
She looks quite beautiful.  Love the gown and her diamond necklace.  Not really feeling her shorter hair ... mainly because she has those kind of ears that stick out.  Ears that stick out are never attractive.  She should consider getting those things pinned back.  Just sayin'.  Grade:  A
 
Christy Tiegren ...

 
 
This is a beautiful gown but that slit is WAY too high.  You can almost see her cooch.  And another thing, I do not find this girl pretty at all.  I know she's a model and all, but I find her face is too round and her cheekbones are gigantic.  Grade:  B-
 
Margot Robbie ...
 
 
GORGEOUS!!! OMG this for me was the best dress of the evening.  KILLER!  The girl is beautiful, her makeup is perfection, hair - perfection and that necklace is incredible.  Grade:  A+++ WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!
 
Marion Cotillard ...
 

 


I loved this gown.  I loved the bunting and black strip in the back, her hair and makeup was yes ... perfection.  Grade:  A+++ 


I don't know who this gal is but she looks like Tilda Swinton, Jr.  I put her here because I wanted you all to see her shoes.  They look like they're melting.  I'll give her an A for weirdness. 
 


Oprah Winfrey ...

 
This photo alone proves the magic of a well made dress.  Oprah is a big woman and the right designer can make anyone look incredibly elegant EVEN WITH BELT!  Gotta say that Oprah looks fab.  Grade:  A
 
 
Felicity Huffman ...


 
This dress was ok.  I liked it.  I especially Loved the color but wasn't feeling the bows at the hips.  It almost looked like a wedding dress from the 1980's.  However, she looked very pretty.  Grade:  B+
 
I don't know who this girl is but I loved this gown.  Beautiful. 


 
 Reese Witherspoon ...


 
Reese needs to pull it together or hire another stylist.  Why you ask?  THIS is why ...

Reese wore this in 2013



And this one in 2011



They're all basically the SAME DRESS.  WHAT'S WITH THE STRIPES???

Naomie Watts ...



I don't know.  The fabric is basically a brick wall in black and silver and hen she has a tube top underneath????  What do you all think?

Loreli Linklater ...



There's a lot going on here.  And couldn't she have done something with her hair?  Forgive me, but she kind of reminds me of the whorry girl you knew in high school cir. 1970.  Grade:  C+

Sienna Miller ....



I think Sienna Miller is so beautiful.  I loved this dress - very Audrey Hepburn.  Not a lot of bling but I still think she looked elegant.  Grade:  B+


Zoe Saldana ...


 
WOW... Zoe looked quite sexy and womanly.  After giving birth to twins she's much curvier and luscious.  I loved her gown and thought she looked really beautiful.  Grade:  A
 
Lupita Nyong'o ...
 
 
At first I loved it, but then I wasn't sure.  It had TONS of pearls and looked beautiful against her skin.  I don't know ... still undecided.  She is incredibly chic and almost always owns the Red Carpet.  I'm going to give her a B.  What do you think?

Scarlett Johanssen ...


The hair was terrible, the necklace was terrible but the dress was quite beautiful, even though I hate that shade of green.  She should have scrapped the necklace and done something with her hair.  Grade:  D-
 
p.s.  Girls, look at the tat on her arm.  TACKY.  DO NOT GET INK.  It makes a beautiful woman look cheap.  
 
Well ladies and germs ... that's it for 2015.  I must say that I was terribly disappointed that Michael Keaton did not win for Best Actor.  Maybe next time.
 
Until next year .... SMOOCHES!
 

 
 
 

For more hysterically funny comments go to my fellow blogger's website.

Friday, February 13, 2015

WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT BY EATING HEALTHY AND EXERCISING AND YOUR HUSBAND ALWAYS, ALWAYS EATS YOUR CEREAL ...

So ... week number two (or three, hell I don't know) ... I get home from work, late as usual.  Because I'm dieting I decide "I know ... I'll have a bowl of cereal for dinner!" (insert happy face).  I had a big salad for lunch and I wasn't terribly hungry so I figured cereal would work.  Danny was already home from the gym (he can do this you see, because he has a wife who cooks and cleans and removes the oily urine stains from the toilet bowl) and I don't have a wife so I have to fit MY workouts in between laundry, cooking, cleaning, dusting, vacuuming, shopping, etc., et al. my life my life, omg my life.  I go upstairs to take a shower because I'm beat.

After my relaxing shower I descend the stairs, looking forward to my bowl of cereal.  As I'm almost all the way down I see Dan.  He sees me.  And at the same exact moment our eyes lock, faster than a bat outta hell he throws the cereal box on the floor between the sofa and the coffee table, hoping against hope that I have not seen him THROWING MY CEREAL BOX ON THE FLOOR.   He looks at me.  Mouth mid-chew.  He doesn't move.  Like a bird caught in the cross-hairs of a cats menacing stare.  He is STILL.  QUIET.  LOOKING AT ME.  Waiting.  I look at him.  Eyes narrowed.  Time stands still.  A minute passes.  Then ...

Dan:  "What?" (crunch).







Wednesday, February 11, 2015

PEOPLE WHO NEED TO BE BITCH SLAPPED, PART II ...


OK.  This asshole right here.  Seriously needs to be bitch slapped.  I can't quite figure him out.  He's totally in love with Beyoncé but in a really creepy way.  As for this award season, if it were up to Kanye Beyoncé would win every single one including Best Actor in a Supporting Role.  Personally, though I think Beyoncé is a beautiful woman, I don't like her music or the way she sings so I can't understand why Kanye thinks she shits ice cream.  But whatever.  I'm just a baby-boomer who grew up in the 1970's when music was MUSIC. 

As for dissing artists because the artists that are winning the awards AREN'T TRUE ARTISTS, since when, Mr. West, are you the arbiter of who is an artist and who is not?  Personally, I have no idea why people call you a genius.  To me you're an asshole.  You're rude, loud, ignorant, conceited, and stupid all at the same time.  And FYI, you really should take another look at the footage when you're mouthing off about artists and the Grammy's and saying  that "Beck needs to respect artistry and he should have given his award to Beyonce" and take a look at your old lady who was clearly dying of embarrassment.  I actually felt bad for her until someone handed her a mirror and she forgot all about what you were saying. 
 
Look at the look on her face ... like she wants to hide under a rock.  YOU married him you idiot.



AS FOR BECK ... he can play the following instruments:  guitar, keyboards, bass, drums, harmonica, percussion, sitar, banjo, slide guitar, twelve-string guitar, glockenspiel, vocoder, kalimba, melodica.  And he can sing. 

WHAT INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY Kanye?  Other than your pee-pee?

Kanye ... you need to be bitch slapped.  Twice.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

PEOPLE THAT NEED TO BE BITCH SLAPPED ...

This little shit right here ...


Conrad Hilton (Paris Hilton's little brother) was arrested for acting like a spoiled brat on a flight from London to L.A.

According to witnesses, Conrad was heard yelling the following pearls during his meltdown:

"If you wanna square up to me bro, then bring it and I will fucking fight you"

"I am going to fucking kill you."

"I will fucking own anyone on this flight, they are fucking peasants."

"I told all of them I could get all of their jobs taken away in less than 30 seconds."  

"I could get you all fired in 5 minutes. I know your boss! My father will pay this out. He has done it before. Dad paid $300k last time."


His attorney, Robert Shapiro said that Conrad had taken a sleeping pill and wasn't himself.  I don't know about you, but when I take a sleeping pill I SLEEP.  I don't go shooting my mouth off and punching airplane bulkheads

This is what you need to do with a little asshole like this.  You drop his ass right in the middle of South Central.  SERIOUSLY.  Leave him on the corner of Crenshaw and Slauson and say "OK ... be a bad ass."  In fact, I should pitch this idea for a new reality show.  It would be similar to The Amazing Race where contestants were dropped somewhere in the world with no money and few resources and they had to find their way back home ... except in my reality show you would take an arrogant little bastard like Conrad Hilton and drop him in the middle of hard core gang territory (cuz you knows they's all wanna be gangsters) leave him there with no money, no cell phone, no nothing and then make him find his way back to Beverly Hills without getting shanked, shot or beaten to a pulp.  I'd pay to see that.  

Good Job Mr. and Mrs. Hilton ... Good Job. You raised a colossal douche bag. 

NEXT ...


King of the Douchebags, Lance Armstrong tries to pin the blame on his girlfriend for driving drunk and hitting two parked cars after a night of partying.  What a DICK!  I can't tell you how much I wish I could punch this asshole right in the face.  If any of you saw the documentary on his cheating/doping scandal I'm sure you'll agree that he is one disgusting human being.  A bully and an arrogant one at that.  And honey, you need to get a spine and walk away from that lying, gutless loser. 

Any hope of his ever owning up and actually becoming a man is gone.  But what else do you expect from a man with one testicle.  Why oh why do these rich, spoiled people get away with their terrible behavior?  I can tell you one thing, if he had a dad like mine, superstar or not, he'd have gotten an ass whipping and a verbal beat down for being a pussy!  Yeah I said it.  After a lecture from my dad he would have walked away with his tail between his legs and his remaining testicle shriveled up like a walnut.  

But he didn't have my dad for a father which is too bad for him.  Sadly, he had a single mother who probably struggled to raise him as a decent human being and somewhere, somehow, Lance turned into a narcissist.  Perhaps she indulged him too much.  Told him he was a winner too many times and now it's too late to make a man out of him.  Whatever the case may be, his behavior is beyond shameful.  I mean seriously Dude?  Blaming your GIRLFRIEND for your drunken driving accident?  You really are a pussy.

Until next time ...
 
SMOOCHES!