Sunday, May 31, 2015

I JUST CAUGHT A HEADLINE THAT COMPELLED ME TO WRITE A BABY RANT ... (baby as in "little" not baby as in "baby") ...

about this little girl .... "Teen Mom" star Maci Bookout just gave birth to her second baby and  she's already calling it a "miracle."  Maci ... do you know the definition of insanity?  It's doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.  Good God why don't these broads get on birth control! She's on a show called "Teen Mom" and she keeps getting knocked up. UNBELIEVABLE ... two kids, two baby daddy's.  Lovely.
Dr. Drew Pinsky thought up this program believing it would benefit teenage girls by showing the realities of how difficult it is to be a single, teenage mother.  And also, how nine times out of ten, the teenage boy of your dreams is NOT going to be the person you spend the rest of your life with because he knocked you up.
HERE'S THE THING.  Today a 14 year old can get birth control without her parents consent.  Personally, I think sex at 14 is WAY too young but then I'm an old broad who at 14 did not know how a flaccid weenie got into a girl's "thing."  However, when I realized that it was only a matter of time before I did "the deed," I went to the doctor, got the pill and GOT MYSELF READY.  And this was 40 years ago!  It is UNBELIEVABLE to me that today, when you can have sex as young as 14, and get birth control without your parents knowledge, these stupid girls keep getting knocked up.    
To me, there was no thought more horrifying than having to tell your parents you were pregnant.  NO GREATER SHAME.  But I think therein lies the problem.  There is NO shame.  About anything.  And you all know what I mean.  I am not saying that having a baby is a horrible thing.  I am saying that having a baby at 17 and then having another one at 19, is beyond STUPID. 
So Maci, GOOD LUCK girl.  And please, PLEASE .... GET ON THE FUCKING PILL!
*sigh* .... I feel better already. 

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

SO ....

Danny's got his foot in a splint.  FOR JOY.  This means I not only get serve him, feed him, and scratch his balls, I still have to do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning and everything else I do while he gets to stay home for the rest of the week RECUPERATING.  He's already threatened to buy a little bell.  It told him to think twice about that or he might discover his gonads tinkling.   

I don't mean to sound harsh, really I don't.  And I don't mind parking in the FAR parking space that makes me walk further to the condo, I really don't.  And I don't mind having to do the heavy duty shopping at Cost Co and lug all the groceries into the house, I really don't.  You know why?  BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I FUCKEN DO ALL THE TIME ANYWAY.  However, his little requests can get under my skin.  Like this morning as I was leaving for work, I kissed his little head as he lay in bed ... and as I reached the bedroom door he informed me that "his toes itched."  

Sunday, May 3, 2015


I don't have my mom anymore and that is the main reason, but that is not the only reason.  You see, I am not a mother.  Not a "real" mother.  I am a stepmother and that's kind of a mother, but not really.  Not like a real mother.  I feel strange when people wish me a happy mother's day.  I do.  I feel that I do not deserve that salutation.  Not in a bad way, but more like being wished a happy birthday when it's not your birthday kind of undeserving. 

I think with all the blended families in the world there should be a Step-parent day.  Happy Stepfather's Day and Happy Stepmother's Day.  Then, when someone wished me "Happy Stepmother's Day" I would feel happy and willing to accept that.  Because really, being a step-parent is not an easy thing.  It gets easier with time and love and years and ups and downs, and you do, eventually, become a family.  And after you've been through all that you should be wished a Happy Stepmother's Day.  And I do love my girls.  I really do. 

I too, have stayed up nights with stepdaughter no. 2 when she was sick and we had to run to the emergency in the middle of the night.  When she was in and out of the hospital.  When she had her  kidney transplant.  I have worried about daughter no. 1 when she first started driving and prayed for her safety everytime she got into the car.  When she moved in with us she was an absolute slob and it drove me crazy ... but then she moved out and I missed her.  Now she has a beautiful baby boy who I am totally in love with him and I absolutely feel like a grandma.  I love him so much and I often feel like my stepdaughter had MY baby.  

We have built a lot of memories, this weird little family of ours.  And it IS a family.  Now.  But I don't think I'll ever "like" Mother's Day ... because I still miss my own mother so much.  It's been ten years and I wish I could call her up, have lunch with her and go shopping one more time.  I don't think I will ever EVER stop missing her.  She drove me crazy lots of times and I'm sure I did the same.  But she was my mother.  And I miss her very much. 

So, everyone who still has their mother be especially grateful.  You are VERY lucky.  Especially if you are older.  I lost my mom when I was 48 and I felt like I was five.  I couldn't believe she was gone.  I couldn't believe that I'd never see her again ... at least not in this lifetime.  I dream about her sometimes and I'm usually mad at her ... for leaving us, I guess.  And then I feel guilty. 

My mother's death affected me in ways I never expected.  It was a very surreal experience.  I kept wondering ... where did she go?  Is she ok?  Just poof ... gone.  I couldn't make sense of it even though I believe in God and an afterlife.  There was no comfort in that because she wasn't here ... where I could see her, and touch her.  It really made me question my faith ... a lifetime of belief that suddenly could not stand up to so great a loss.    

I still talk to her.  Tell her what's happening in our lives.  And I like to believe she can hear me.  I think she can.  Because love never dies ... so mom ...

I will love you forever mommy.  

Saturday, May 2, 2015


So, I was watching Oprah's "Where Are They Now" and they did a little interview with D-lister from the 1980's ... Appollonia.  Anyone under 40 will probably have no idea who this is, but she was once one of Prince's protégés.  A really beautiful and sexy Latina who I could not stand because she had no talent whatsoever and was soooooo stupid. 

Anywho, she told all of America that years ago she dated John F. Kennedy, Jr., and, as she shed one single tear, said that he gave her a GORGEOUS ring and asked her to marry him.  (EYES FUCKING ROLLING) ... Appollonia - get over yourself!  Really?  JFK, Jr. asked you to marry him?  You have no proof, no one knew about your relationship, and he's DEAD and you want us to believe that he asked you to marry him.