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Monday, August 26, 2013

JUST A WHOLE MISH-MASH OF STUFF ...

So I read this headline today:

Woman Swallows Tapeworm To Lose Weight; Tells Doctor She Bought It On The Internet
 
I would totally do this.  I once read that opera diva Maria Callas lost a ton of weight because she'd been lucky enough to get a tapeworm.  Why don't things like that ever happen to me?  
 
Things that happen to me: 
 
  1. Am prescribed Ambien due to chronic insomnia due to layoff and ensuing depression.
  2. Experience side effects - Nocturnal eating. 
  3. Gain 30 lbs while eating like a fat pig at night unbeknownst to myself.
So I start wondering .... just how much would it cost to buy a tapeworm?
 
I quickly Google ....
 
Purchase Live Tapeworm Eggs!
tapeworm
LOOSE WEIGHT EASILY
PLAY PRETTY GOOD JOKE ON FRIENDS
MAKE SCIENTIFIC PROJECT OR MEDICAL EXPERIMENTS
 All eggs guaranteed and fresh.  Collected at Владивосток Vladivostok Soviet prison camp in one liter slurry of liquid human excrement.  Mature tapeworm grows to up to 10 metres.
Please allow 12 weeks for delivery.  Use promptly on arrival by applying to salad or uncooked food.  Do not refrigerate.  Contact Col. Dimiti Pushkin for delivery.  Please to accept cash only Euros or American Dollars.  No returns.
Euros -- e 24.50
Dollars -- $ 34.25
Click below to check out:
 
:button
eggpackage
 
Can you freaking believe this!  And they're only $34.25!!! 
 
BEFORE

Maria (pre-tapeworm)

AFTER ... Maria (post tapeworm)





































NEXT ...
 
 
Heidi Klum. 
Posing naked AGAIN.  (eyes rolling)  ... girlfriend, you seriously gotta stop this shit.  It's getting a tad ridiculous now.
 
 
REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY. 
 
Fact:  People who use excessive amounts of Botox should NEVER laugh or cry. 
 
 
 
 
 
 Another woman who refuses to accept the natural aging process.  Christie-fucken-Brinkley ... posing with her sexy twenty something daughter Alexa.
 
 
Christy ... I can totally see you sucking it in.  And so can everyone else.
 
 
AND NOW ... the trashiest white woman on earth (drum roll) ....
 

  
 
Pregnant .... with TWINS.  (Why God, why) 
 
Proud mother of six ... smoking while pregnant.  Lovely.
 

Thursday, August 15, 2013

FACEBOOK AND POLITICS ...

 
So anyone who reads my blog knows that I am not a right wing conservative born again Christian.  I say the F word, I vote Democrat, I don't want your religion in my bedroom and I don't think gay people are going to hell.  With that said, I AM SO TIRED OF PEOPLE EXPRESSING THEIR FUCKEN POLITICAL VIEWS ON MY FACEBOOK PAGE!!!  I know I have "friended" these people, and I like them and all that, BUT whenever they get a stick up their ass I gotta read an encyclical about the horrors of Obama and his evil administration destroying America the beautiful and turning it into a socialist country like Russia used to be where people have no rights whatsoever.  REALLY PEOPLE!?  You all need to get on some meds and chill.  NOTHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO AMERICA.  Trust me.  No wait.  This is what will happen ... The rich will get  richer, the poor will get poorer and ME, MYSELF AND THOSE LIKE ME will pay more taxes than both of them.  OK?!  That's what's going to happen.  We are NOT going to become a socialist country.  I promise.  As long as Debbie is working, the poor will eat and the rich will have their taxes paid by moi.  I will bail them out when their companies fail and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.  So there. 

And can I just say I don't think I have ever witnessed the degree of hatred against any other president, EVER, than President Obama.  It is mind-boggling to me.  I don't think I've ever HATED a president.  Not like people hate Obama.  I thought George W. was a complete doofus who couldn't string a sentence together ... but I didn't hate him.  I just thought he was a doofus.  I do, however HATE Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter.  Two of the most soul-less Cretans on the face of the earth who have chosen to use the allotted time they have been given on this earth to spread hatred and ignorance to the masses. 

What I think about is the absurdity of all politics.  If Obama were a Republican, Republicans would be making excuses for all of his wrongs and praising his intellect, and humanity.  THEY WOULD.  But he's not one of them ... he's a Democrat (aka socialist/communist = to Hitler, to whom he has been compared to in the press.  And vice-versa.  George Bush was slammed by the left and the Democrats.  So bottom line ... what does any of it REALLY MEAN?  Why do people care so much?  It's like life and death to some people.  And I am not suggesting that people shouldn't care about government and the dishonesty that transpires, but it has become such a monumentally dysfunctional system that I, personally, do not have the energy to care.  And yet, I get all pissed off when people talk about my boyfriend, even though I have to admit ... I have thought about breaking up with him because he's disappointed me as well. 

Politics brings out the worst in people.  Even me.  I used to care a lot.  Not so much anymore. 

So let's move onto my favorite person to hate -- Rush Limbaugh.  Did you hear what he said today?  I literally laughed my ass off ...

From the Huffington Post:
     

Rush Limbaugh: 'I'm Too Famous' To Moderate GOP Debate


Rush Limbaugh responded to rumors that he could host a GOP debate with Sean Hannity and Mark Levin on Thursday.
 
"I don't see how I can do it. I'm too famous," Limbaugh said on his radio show Thursday. He added, "I think I'd overshadow it. I think I'm too famous... it'd be a tough call."
 
Photo
 
He was responding to reports that the Republican National Committee was considering him along with the two other conservative commentators as moderators for a Republican primary debate. The possibility, the Washington Examiner reported on Thursday, arose after Republicans alleged that journalists had targeted candidates with unfair questions during the 2012 debates.
 
On Thursday, Limbaugh clarified that if he were to moderate, the debate would be hosted for a conservative audience and not network television.

 
Gee Rush ... eat much? 

Can you believe that there is a fairly good looking woman who for reasons unknown to me, married this tub of lard and gets naked with THAT?  Let me tell you, if he were the last man on earth I'd fuck a frog first.  So here's the thing.  Rush couldn't monitor the debates because he would be unable to sit in his little radio bubble with no people around to ask him questions and stuff.  You know ... having to actually think and respond to discussion.  AS IF Rush Limbaugh could EVER, REALLY monitor a political debate!? LOL!!!!  I actually would pay to see that ... it would be worth the laughs!

Until next time ... SMOOCHES DARLINGS!  XOXO
 

Thursday, August 1, 2013

I SAW VIGGO IN THE ETHER LAST NIGHT...

 
I had to punch him in the arm and remind him that I'm his girlfriend.